When Death Loved

I’ve never felt bad about it. It’s natural; life, death, it all has its place. It was my role, and I took it very seriously. I got to choose. When, how, where. I never wanted to get away from it all. But You. How desperately I tried to stay away from You. You didn’t deserve me, but yet You danced on the line your entire life. A small glance was enough for the both of us. Sometimes I think You did it for the both of us. You destined us to meet, I’m sure of it. Because the way You “accidentally” forgot how to swim felt like a ruse, even to me. So we met briefly and then went on your way. But not me, no. I couldn't stop thinking of you. The way You looked at me with such interest, god. No one ever does that. People cower from me, pretend I don’t exist until I fit their own timeline. But you… You looked at me. After that, I was in deep. I had to see You again. Lucky for me you're not great at the cooking thing. Or the driving thing for the matter. You made me feel special. Which is why I decided to try hard to keep my distance. I didn’t wanna mess up this thing we had by being selfish. They say if You love someone You have to let me go. So why wouldn't You let me? I loved You, my dear. But You wouldn't let me be selfless. Your grip on me was strong. You tried so hard to see me. If I had a penny feels like the fitting statement for the predicament. And god I was rich off you. They also say money doesn't buy happiness… “So go, live” I said with the warmest smile I could muster. So why, why couldn't You just live? I was okay watching from a distance. The distance meant I could keep seeing you. But You had to go and mess this all up. Why?? Can’t You see I love you? Isn't that enough to keep You going? Stop it! Stop finding me. Stop knocking on my door with blood on your hands. Don’t You know I’m a selfish man? I can only fend You off so many times. The more I pushed the more You pulled. I had had enough. “Fine!” So I embraced You for all You were and You for all I am. And then You were gone. Nothing. A mirage in my hands. Nothing I could hold on to. Nothing I could look at. No one. “God what have You done my dear! What did You make me do!” Was my love not enough to keep You here? I looked to life and begged her to bring You back. I told her of our love, so pure and fantastic. But life only looked at me with sad eyes. And that is when I knew You didn’t love me, You wanted to love whatever was after me. The eternal darkness.