Acquitted

Too soon it was time for work, when I got there I found out Reed’s docket was gone, there was no record of his arrest, and he is not on the sex offender list. Reed was active on Instagram today, he has opened all of the texts I’ve sent, but he has not reached out. I have been patient, I haven’t seen him since November. It is now February. Maybe I just don’t know him like I thought I did, maybe everything he told me was a lie, but his face wasn’t, and I know that face. I wanted so badly to believe he was a good person; so badly that I ignored everything my friends said. They told me that if I really loved myself I would have blocked him and not even hoped that he would contact me. They told me how crazy I am to not just completely drop him. He raped someone, he hurt them immensely; probably ruined their body image and how they thought of themself, and I made excuses for him.

Reed was my Henry VIII, I  knew he had his copious amount of mistresses, but what I didn’t know is that I would be one away from who I wanted to be, divorce, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived. I wanted to be the one who survived, but instead, I was beheaded, cut off from all communication from him with no reason why. Reed has not called me yet, I don’t know if he is not allowed to, or if the docket was just hidden from the public, but I haven’t heard from or of him in over three months. I hear his voice ringing in my head but never on my phone and I wish I knew why.

I still remember the first time we met, I remember how perfect everything was, Reed bought me ice cream, and with his kind eyes he smiled so perfectly I thought, there is no way I am good enough for this man. Our next date wasn’t even a real date, he missed me so much that 12 hours after our first date he surprised me by showing up in my town. Then the day after, he invited me over to his house and cooked me dinner. He made me chicken with pasta and veggies and poured me a glass of wine. I’m pretty sure one could guess what happened after dinner. Two months later he was discussing our wedding with me. Three months later we were talking about how perfect he and I were together and how there are literally no red flags. I think that’s ironic; no red flags that I know of, then I find out four months later he went to jail for rape. At first, I laughed when I heard he got arrested; I thought it was funny. Then I found out what he got arrested for and my face dropped. Rape, he was arrested for rape, and here I was thinking he was the one.

I wasn’t the only one who thought he was perfect, my mom loved him, my co-workers loved him, even my lovers knew they couldn’t compare to him. But still, I wonder every day how I could’ve missed something so big, how everyone went from loving him to hating him in two seconds and it has taken me until now to look at him in a bad light. It makes me wonder --

“Cheyenne, what are you doing pay attention!”