Beyond Goodbye - Excerpt

* Note: This is an excerpt from a chapter in a story about the largest lie I told. That it's impossible to love after a tragic loss, and how I went about loving myself and moving on after the lie. I changed names, including mine, for personal reasons and to better emerge the reader. *

A quiet, overcast morning marks the day of my visit to Isaac's grave. The cemetery bathes in serene stillness; the world muffled in its muted tones. I approach the familiar headstone, and my heart aches with both grief and gratitude for the man whose memory I hold dear.

The grave is covered with fresh flowers from his sister. I kneel beside it, my fingers gently tracing the engraved letters of his name. Tears well up in my eyes.

"Isaac," I begin, my voice soft but steady. "It's been a while since we talked. So much has happened since you left, and I want to share it with you."

The breeze rustles the leaves of nearby trees as though nature is listening to my words.

"I've been lying to myself," I confess. "I've told myself I couldn't find love with someone else. Our love was so unique and irreplaceable. I've missed you every day, and I always will. I've pushed people away and stayed to myself, to where I'm now barely a person anymore. But I've realized that it's not fair to hold myself back, to cling to the memories as though they are my only source of happiness."

I pause, my throat tightens with emotion, but I continue.

"I've met someone, Isaac. His name is Oliver, and he's brought light into my life - something I've not had in a long time. I know you would've liked him. He's kind, compassionate, and deeply loves nature and animals, just like you."

Tears stream down my cheeks as I speak, and I feel the weight of my emotions lifting, like a burden I've carried for far too long.

"It's not easy. There are moments when I still feel guilty for finding happiness with someone else. I miss and love you, and I'll never forget you. But I've realized that my heart has room for another now. Our past can coexist with my future as memories I'll hold."

A sense of serenity washes over me. It's as though Isaac's spirit has heard my confession and permitted me to embrace the future.

"I've been in a support group, and it's helped me connect with others who have experienced loss. I want you to know your memory will always be a part of my life, a cherished part. It's time to find closure and allow myself to move forward."

Once a place of reflection and grief, the cemetery has become a place of release. My heart is free to love once more, to embrace the possibility of the present, and to carry the memories of the past with me.