him.

He grabs hold of my face and forces me to look at my reflection. I try to divert my eyes. I try to look at everywhere else other than at the sight of myself naked. I stare at the walls, still slightly stained with blood. My blood. I glance down at my wrists and smile faintly at the fresh cuts, blood still oozing out of the wounds and onto the wooden floor. It hurts, I would not do it if it did not, but it is a familiar pain. A pain that makes everything clear again. A pain that calms my mind and grounds me. His hold on my face tightens slightly and I glance up at him in the mirror. There are tears rolling down his cheeks but he does not wipe them away. His hands slide down from my face and onto my shoulders. He grips them and finally I glance at myself. I am instantly revolted, images of what I should look like, what I used to look like flash into my mind and I shrug my shoulders out of his grip and snatch my towel from where it fell on the floor. He watches me silently as I wrap the towel tightly around myself.

He reaches for my arm and instinctively I move away from him, not wanting to be touched.

The silence is unbearable. It stretches between us. I am not able to stand it any longer and so I laugh. My empty laughter fills the silence, but that only seems to make the situation worse.

“I can’t fucking deal with this anymore.” He states over my laughter and I stop abruptly.

He stares at me expectantly and I realise that he is waiting for an answer. Not knowing what to say I shrug, my gaze not moving from the ground.

“Are you not even going to look at me?”

When I do not respond he snorts in disgust and begins to get dressed. My gaze finally shifts from the ground and I watch him as he moves around the room, gathering his things. I stare in bewilderment as every trace of him disappears from my room. His clothes, his shoes, gone in a split second. He is moving too quickly, everything is moving too quickly.

I feel his gaze on me as he lifts my face to his by my chin. He hesitates for a second, and I watch as tears gather in his green eyes. This time they do not have the chance to fall down his cheek as he brushes them away roughly with his sleeve. He presses his lips softly against mine and then rests his forehead on mine, his eyes closed. I can feel his breath against my face and I inhale deeply, a lump caught in my throat.

“I tried. I really tried.” He whispers and I nod knowing that he had.

The door slams shut behind him and I sigh in relief as the entire room stills. 

I can not breathe, all the air from the room seems to have left with him. 

He is gone.

My legs are not able to support me any longer. I sink to the floor. The room goes from light to dark as the sun sets and still, still I can not wrap my head around the idea that he is gone. So instead I wrap my arms around myself as tiredness seeps into my bones. I am too tired to move from my spot on the floor.  I finally give in to the darkness

overpowering my mind and vision. I succumb to it willingly and sigh as finally I am not able to feel anymore.