Dinner

I made you dinner while we were seeing each other. I flew in for the weekend, made my whole work schedule around the trip.

I fell violently, violently, violently in love with you on my plane home.

You had been in love with me the whole time.

I had shown you parts of me that I wouldn't show anyone else, parts that I was ashamed of, parts that I wanted to change for you. I wasn't ready to commit to that change yet. Besides, you loved those parts of me.

It turned from love into a gross fetishization.

You seeing me for something else.

Sort of like flanderization but for me being unable to love you back.

I knew we were never going to be forever. I don't know why. Maybe you were right about apart of me.

I made you dinner again when I came back down to your state two weeks later.

We had a great time. Your mom said we were cute together. I loathed the way you talked about my feelings with you, how little you think I cared. How much of a turn on it was for you.

The walls came up fast. I checked out. I didn't see you as a partner anymore. You saw yourself as a chewtoy and gave me permission to rip all the fluff out of you. I was hesitant.

I visited you again, we went out to dinner and split the check. I called my mom and said I felt bad for treating you this way, said I had been an asshole the whole visit.

I told you I didn't want anymore from you over the phone. 500 miles away. I ate dinner alone. You excused yourself for 34 minutes and called me back while I was doing the dishes. I could hear the tears in your voice. You heard the parts of me that you so craved tell you all my tactile decisions in why this wasn't working out. About how it had to stop.

You came up with a friend. A while later. I took us all out to dinner. You wanted the person you fell in love with, the person that broke your heart, the person who scattered you all over the floor and didn't clean up after they made the mess. I was more confused than I ever could of been. You wanted me so bad it scared me. You slept in my bed, you tried to kiss me. I moved to the living room, slept in the chair, and woke up before your friend on the couch did and made us all breakfast.

I dropped you both off at the airport and said my goodbyes.