Recollection of a Tragedy

It was quarter-past-twelve, and the boy gazed blankly over the leather-covered steering wheel. To his right, another figure leaned motionless against the half-fogged window. Through cottony wisps, the glowing orb inched, illuminating the beaten pavement ahead. Brighter, blue-ish nights like these held a strange nostalgic power over some, which was enough to draw a soft sigh from the driver’s nose. This atmosphere prompted the twenty-one-year-old, named Ani, to a feeling of loneliness. Of course, he wasn’t alone at present, yet the feeling persisted and filled his chest with a quivering mixture of dread and sadness. There was a shuffling noise beside him, and he turned to find his only sibling awakening from a light, relaxed slumber.

“Where are we going?” said the slumped passenger, rubbing one eye and squinting the other. There was obvious confusion in that youthful voice, forcing a false laugh from his brother.

“Hah! You must’ve been out cold. I just took the scenic route home. We’re not too far away now.” These sarcastic words normally put the inquiring counterpart at ease, but this time, he persisted.

“No, like what road is this? I -I don’t think I’ve ever been…” He paused. With a light groan, Jack twisted up in his seat, scanning the surrounding scenery. His older brother finally turned to survey the confused kid, waiting for him to complete his thought. He never did. That was when Adi’s smile became legitimate, finding genuine amusement in the apparent discombobulation. This went on, and Jack began muttering under his breath.

“What’s your deal?” said the older boy, breaking the silence with a poorly suppressed chuckle. When he received no answer, he shook his head rhythmically. The delusional fellow must have fallen back asleep now. Adi was under this impression for at least a minute until suddenly…

“Bella’s okay, right?”

Jack’s concerned voice froze the driver in an instant. Both hands gripped the wheel like iron, heart skipping a beat. His breathing became choppy as he processed the recent words.

“What do you mean,” he stuttered. The attempted facade of composure was not effective enough for the clearly worried younger brother. Jack glared at Adi with a look of upset inquiry, racking his brain as if failing to remember something. “Bella?”

Entering a heavily misted stretch in the road, Adi lifted his boot a little off the accelerator. He hadn’t heard the name of his brother’s girlfriend in nearly eight months.

“Why wasn’t she there tonight? Wh- what is going on? Adi I can’t…” said Jack.

“Bella who? Our cousin Bella? I’m not sure —” his voice trembled.

“No, not her… it’s something — shoot, why can’t I — remember?” Adi felt the panic welling up. The doctors hadn’t prepared him enough for this, and he had no words to calm the deluge of emotion striking his brother. He feared nothing would soothe him now. Stupid treatment, stupid doctors, stupid decision, he thought. Jack continued to mumble under his breath, and it would surely get worse if he —

It was then that Adi remembered back to the first informational meeting he and his parents attended. The doctor, called Greene, had given them a brief lecture on the dangers of the treatment. He explained it was not tried-and-true, the method, and would not work without the weekly pills for upkeep. Adi also remembered the hypothesis of what would happen if Jack suddenly broke out of the “Memory Deficiency Core”, as they called it. The grief which this treatment removed was not gone forever, only delayed. The feelings of sadness, trauma, guilt and anything else would continue as though the traumatic event had just taken place. Adi knew they shouldn’t have accepted this seemingly inhumane antidote, seeing it as an unworthy risk. The hope that Jack would forget his accident forever was shattered as the memories came flooding back. If nothing changed, he would remember it all.

The older brother’s foot resumed its pressure of the gas pedal as Jack’s breathing heaved quicker and quicker.

“Something happened, Adi, what…” began the poor boy, flinging hands over head. He ran ten scrawny fingers through a dome of curly hair, brow twisted in distress. The feelings were returning, yet he still hadn’t remembered why. “What did I do? What did I do?"

“Nothing Jacky. You’re still dreaming. Go back to- ”

“No, no no. It was horrible…” he released an anxious groan. “It’s my fault.”

Adi took this opportunity, shifting slightly to fit his brother into view. He spoke now in a low monotone.

“What’s your fault? I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.” There was silence as Adi steered the vehicle around the last curve, soon to reach their destination. Surely his parents knew how to combat this tricky conundrum. The lack of noise made him cringe, as he could hardly imagine what his brother was recollecting now.

Skeeee.

The car came to a halt with brakes screaming. There was still no sound from the subject in the passenger seat. Just when he thought this nightmare had blown over, he heard a subtle sob from his loved-one. And again, a gasp under his breath.

“O-oh Lord.” The teenager’s voice was a whisper, low and wavering. Not a hair on his body moved. His brother knew what had just occurred and unknowingly held his breath. Staring out the windshield, with a single bead of sweat escaping down his brow, Jack opened his mouth to speak.

“I killed her” was barely audible.

It was over.

He had remembered.