The Long and Short of It
The beers were cold, the sun hot. He was an old miser, they’d been told. There would be no family, no friends, no mourners. The backhoe was good for digging the hole, but it would take good old manual effort to fill it back in, so the pair peeled off their shirts and picked up their shovels.
The first knock could have been anything, but still the pair paused without the first spade-full thrown.
“What the fuck was that?” It was the shorter one who spoke.
”I don’t know. Probably nothing. “
”Naw, that was something.”
”What was it then?”
”I don’t know, but it was something.”
”I didn’t hear nothin’.” The taller one threw a shovel-full atop the casket lying in the bottom of the hole.
The next knock was actually three knocks spaced perfectly apart, knock - knock - knock.
”Shit! Now what was that? Are you doing that?”
”I didn’t do anything except throw some damned dirt.”
”Well, you heard that, didn’t you?”
”No! I didn’t hear shit.”
”All right, then.” The shorter one scooped up a shovel-full and tossed it in next to the taller one’s previous scoop, just to see what would happen.”
There were three knocks again this time, only faster, and with greater urgency, followed by a voice. “Heeeelp meeee!”
”Awww, shit man. There’s somebody in there!” It was the shorter one again.
”Of course there’s some ‘body’ in there. That’s what we’re burying here, some body.”
”But he’s alive, man!”
Knock - knock - knock “Heeeelp meeeee!”
They both stood gazing into the hole, the shorter one wide-eyed with fright, the taller one tight-eyed with consternation. After a long moment the taller one picked up his beer, took a long pull, and began shoveling dirt into the hole.
”What the fuck are you doing? He’s alive in there!”
The taller one stopped digging, and leaned on his shovel handle. ”Are you going to climb down in there and open it up to see what it is?”
”Hell no I’m not climbing down there. That’s crazy.”
”All right, then. Shut up about it, and let’s do what we’re getting paid to do. Fucker was supposed to be dead.”
Oh, how the dirt flew then.