Chapter 1

Lay's point of view

A soft voice continue to whisper to my left ear. If only it had an angelic voice, I’d get up in a second, but it doesn’t possess such. What a disappointment. I can hear the impatient tone in hr voice as she tries to wake me up, thought I’m already awake. She’s indeed trying her best at everything.

“Lay.”

“Wake up Lay.”

“It’s already 8:35.”

“Dearest Lay, Get. Up. Please”

I envied your dedication, but I hate you as a human alarm.

I rolled around the bed to let her know that I was not yet willing to get up. Like, why would this bitter lady be waking up a busy dreamer like me, huh? Isn’t it too early to get up yet?

I tried to utter words, but they were like bird’s whisper. “Another minute,” said I with disappointment then stretched out my arms to reach out for a pillow to cover my face. She’ll be annoyed in a minute and should be ready for a sermon.

The sun has now risen. I know it’s time to wake up and live, but I’m too tired. For everyone’s information, we slept late last night. But then, who’s fault, is it? It’s Claire’s. She kept on saying she had something to say but we just ended up staying late without any word coming out of her mouth. Oh, my Claire.

“We’ll be late, hurry up.” She insists. Still, I’m lying on my bed doesn’t care about the time, and courageous enough to consume all the patience Claire has kept with her.

“MORRILAE PLEASE!” she suddenly shouted. my full name? Oh! She has lost it already. She knew that I’d be awakened once she uttered my full name because it’d make me angry. She succeeded. Though these eyes of mine are still closed, I can imagine her irritated face, raised eyebrow, deep sighing, and of course her rolling eyeballs. What a scenery, dear.

“Calm down. Take your patience pill first.” I sarcastically suggested stretching out my hand as if I was giving her a pill for her patience. So, it’ll just tease her more. That’s the plan.

My mind says I will not be defeated in this battle.

“If only there is such a medicine Lay. I would love to buy the store itself,” she said pouring a whole cup of sarcasm she also kept. “Get up. Remember, today is the day, we need to go out as early as we can.”

“What difference does this morning offer from the previous days I’ve spent?” I asked and heard her soft chuckles. What’s funny?

“It’s payday.” She sweetly whispered.

“We’re going to the Mall.”

What? Today is what? Payday? I heard a different tune that awakened my soul. Just after realizing it, I removed the pillow on my face and let the blanket slip on the floor, getting up hastily. I then ran through the bathroom.

We’re late. I mean not really since the mall had just opened at 8 am this morning. All things must be done as early as possible because we will soon be lining up at the counter longer than expected since it’s payday.

YEY! I could smell, the mall’s air conditioner.

It’s the end of the month, pay day in short, also payment of bills and budgeting but then, this will be a day for us to go to a mall and roam. Claire is being paid with minimum salary at her job being a writer’s assistant in a Publishing Company, while I work at nowhere, I am currently jobless, last month I resigned from my previous job.

I am still in the job-hunting era.

“Are we still having breakfast here or will just buy outside?!” Claire shouted just after I entered the bathroom to take a bath. But I never responded, am now busy singing, not sure maybe just shouting with a bit of key.

Minutes after I’d done enough scrubbing my body and everything, I found Claire lying on our cream two-seater sofa, looking at the ceiling as I could observe it, she looked drowning in her thoughts, early in the morning, maybe contemplating our life. She’s been like that, and I’m used to it.

“Is everything fine?” I asked approaching her while drying my hair with a small towel.

She sighed. a heavy sigh to be exact. Something is wrong.

“Did I annoy you that much?” I asked.

“Don’t worry I did apply to ten companies. I’m expecting an answer within this week or next week.” Well, me being jobless is not the case here, I can read the room and felt like she was thinking of something else.

Something else or some--

“No, I’m okay. I’m fine. It’s nothing and you’re not the reason, stop taking all the credit” she replied with her sincere smile. Yet she’s still looking at spaces, dodging my stares.

“I’m not asking if you’re okay because you always are even if you’re not. I want to know if everything’s fine?” I sat closer and her head leaned onto my shoulder, so, there was. She then again let out a deep, heavy, and heartfelt sigh.

“This too shall pass,” I heard her whisper to herself.

Her head is so heavy. Why would this beautiful lady beside me carry such unnumbered thoughts, alone? If only I could remove those tabs inside her head and delete all such bad memories, I would, but hey! I’m just a human and she also is, so it’s normal. But then, I believe that dwelling on negative thoughts shouldn’t be normalized.

“You can tell me,” said I, in a very soft tone of request, as possible. I wanted to be a comfort, a home to someone when everything seemed to be turning into nightmares.

“Later, I will,” said Claire then lifted her head and walked toward the door.

She’s not yet ready to spill it out, at times she would just lean her head onto my shoulder and then cry everything out, and sometimes she’d wake up looking like a Dracula who couldn’t sleep all night and just drowned herself in tears.

“Spill it!” I wanted to know, but she just glared at me. Hey! how dare— anyways. Let’s not forget about it but for now, we need to move on, we need to buy food. Let’s go!

“So, shall we go?” I suggested, following her heavy steps, her face looking downward, might be counting her fingertips.

She doesn’t want me to know, not yet. I can wait. But my patience is too short, shorter than my height, I guess. But as a person who does know how to lessen someone’s burden, not insisting on someone to release everything also takes courage and patience, they will never feel understood, but at the very least they will know someone is willing to offer an ear.

Before we left our house, I looked around, at some point, we would be needing new glasses and mugs, even other personal things. Since it’s not yet a decade since we built this house together with her father’s skills, so, things inside here are still incomplete.

like air conditioners, and so forth.

The life we thought we would be enjoying is like a faded fantasy now. If I could remember 5 years ago, we imagined that we would be living in our own house, and yeah, we did, but the thing is we never talk about the expenses, we cannot deny the fact that

we indeed failed to plan about it.

Everything is just but an imagination, the earth has turned its back on us, or did we turn our back to this earth?

Instead of daily shopping, even going to the mall is just once a week for us, we pay our bills, and there should always be allotted money for emergency funds, daily fare, monthly bills, excess expenses, and food. At the very least, we’re grateful that her parents trusted us that we can live together, that we really can live.

And we’re kind of enjoying this independence.

Additionally, after I resigned from my previous job, it may be hard for me to receive such a good response since my ability is not in demand. I graduated with a course I didn’t even want. While

Claire is on her way to becoming a great author, I am still trying to figure out things within me.

what this heart wants to achieve, or its passion is what I am hungry for.

I’ve been looking forward to a passion that I would carelessly do, right now, what I am good at is listening to so many complaints of unsatisfied customers, in a Call Center Company. Even with my applications, I’m still applying with the same ability, to talk with extra-long patience. Yeah, it’s tiring but it’s worth it.

And I’ve been happy living with this understanding human being, who’s always taking my side.

Now, we’re inside a mall, window shopping for our favorite dresses and make-ups, and yet will buy food for our fridge, uh so unfair. We never go to a restaurant just to enjoy expensive dishes, instead, we’ll just buy our favorite chicken marinated and then fry it at home, well of course should we cook it here inside the mall?

As we looked around, our feet brought us inside so many gorgeous dresses. How I love to buy ten of these. Unfortunately, all we can do is let out a deep sigh, which we just did. It doesn’t add up to our expenses anyway. To dramatically dream big is free, not unless you start to work it out because it’s kind of expensive.

“Should we steal from our emergency fund?” Claire looked at me and asked with her convincing tone, thinking she couldn't deceive me this time. But she failed. I know that she’s quite down, but our budget also will soon be reaching its lower peak, since I’m not yet working.

“Nope. Let’s just buy chicken and sandwiches. Don’t forget about the mug, we need to buy new ones.” I grabbed her hands and our path to the grocery store. But she’s still desperately looking at the dress.

“Yes, it’s beautiful. But can you use that dress to save our lives if weare d? Hmm?” she just rolled her eyes at what I’d said. “forget about it.”

“Never mind.” she bluntly uttered.

“Good girl, let’s just buy our favorite marinated chi—"

“Chicken again? Can we just buy beef?” she requested. I would love to spoil her with a beef but all I can give is my sarcastic smile and out-of-this-world stare so she could remember that I don’t eat beef. It mmadeher lower lip drop, and the joy left her eyes as she somehow interpreted my reaction, how smart dear.

I smiled at her, sincere this time, and continued to wacontinueder hold onto my arm. I’m not clingy but this lady is.

“Should we just buy veggies this time? We haven’t cooked them in a while.” I suggested as we were heading toward the area. “Hmm. What do you think?” her permission is all I need.

She just gave me an unconvinced look as if what I’d suggested iwaswrong.

“We? We both coI was wrong and with her confused look, I got. Ahh “I assumed it I got it me who can cook, right?” she added.

“Sorry, I forgot. You don’t like my dishes anyways, so, why would I bother?anywaylained. I am guilty of it, that I cannot cook tasty meals as others can. My point is, I prefer to be a taster.

“Let’s just buy chicken, this time I’ll cook, it’ll be easy since it’s already—”

“No thanks. You don’t need to worry about it, Lay. I can handle this.” she hurriedly walks toward the vegetable display area, leaving me here with an empty pushing cart.

I followed her with my deadly glare. She really can kill my joyful moment huh? Well, is it my fault that I am just good at tasting food? If it were not for those people like me, an expert chef like them would nr have the chance to prove how delicious their dishes are, right? I’m making a point here.

“Did I offend you little dear?” sweetly asked Claire but I just shook my head.

“Or rather convincing yourself about how good you are at cooking marinated chicken?” she added.“Or rather convincing yourself about how good you are at cooking marinated chicken?” she added.

Claire is now in front of me giving me a sweetened face. Putting inside the cart the veggies that she picked, no chicken this time. How fast, dear.

“Where’s the display area for the mugs?”

“Ah, it must be over there,” said I then pointed out the display area in the opposite direction.

“Mine white.”

“Mine black, as usual.”

Claire is still looking for different designs, Me? I love plain colors, plain black. If it’s not black, should be white.

“Should we buy sleepwear?” I asked but she’s busy looking for a mug. So, I just followed her. She noticed that I looked like am waiting for an answer, stiffed while staring at her.

“What? Sorry, what did you say? Buy what? Slipper?”

“Sleep. Wear.” I said properly pronouncing the word. She nodded, her face saying, uhm yeah.

“Uhm yeah, that’s awesome” see? As expected her face has a talent for communicating words, even before.

After all the window shopping and buying what is needed, we still have a budget to treat ourselves that is why, we’ll be eating in a restaurant after this, just a 3-star one, not that bad. I, as an unemployed person, should never be picky, and she, as a person who needs to feed a human being needs to save money.

“Oh!” Claire gasps. We’re now falling in line next to a counter, anlookedexpected there to be lots of ladies beside me who looked like a personhado diseeea st, in the middle of the day.

Claire is now giving me that look, those eyes that couldn’t figure out what to do and what to say, that kind of look is quite scary when you are in line to pay for your bills next to the cashier. Now, I’m convincing myself that I shouldn’t be worried.

“Don’t give me that look,” I whispered sarcastically. The person paying in front of us is about to give their payment already, and next, would be us.

“Wait.” she softly uttered looking around. Claire is absent-minded right at this moment. Her eyes are wandering as if it’s looking for something. Haven’t we bought what is needed? Did she just say, wait?

“Wait? Why? Don’t tell me you forgot to buy something?” said I. I’m starting to worry. I leaned toward her ears and whispered, “…or you didn’t bring any card with you? That’s not it, right?” The line is long and everyone else is waiting for their turn, while this lady beside me couldn’t take her eyes off something that caught her attention.

I didn’t want to be with me, and if ever I did, there be wouldn’t enough balance in it. So, we need Claire’s card but she’s still out of this earth.

“CLARIVIEL!” now my voice hashadchad a bit digavebingMegavetheria d her face to me and gave Mega theme look. “What are you looking at?!” I asked after tapping her shoulder. She’s not paying attention. I’d rather say both of us are not yet paying the cashier.

“The cashier’s waiting for our payment, I need your card. Did you by any chance bring it with you? Dear, you’re supposed to bring it.” the question seemed to pull her back to the reality, that we need now to pay.

“I reached out I’m sorry,” she said and reached out for her wallet inside her pink shoulder bag. Like nothing happened at all. “Here.” she then gives me her card., I let out a deep sigh of relief.

Just after we finished paying for the groceries, I just stared at Claire while we were on our way to the Mall’s exit, she was walking calmly as if nothing happened.

“What just happened? Did you see a ghost?”

“I did see…”

“A ghost? I guess you didn’t sleep much last night too. We’re on the same---”

“Haze. I saw him earlier inside the mall,” she explained without a pause.

“Haze? Where?” she just ignored me and continued pulling me. “It’s just Haze, but why did you have such a reaction earlier at the counter?” I asked, but she just shrugged her shoulders. “Did he give you lots of paper works that you haven’t finished yet?” I added out of curiosity. They’re both working at the same company so it’s possible that it could be the situation.

“No, that’s not it. Ias also am confused as you are, why did I have that reaction earlier?”

“Then forget about it, he’ll never confront you in your workplace just because, if ever, he saw you earlier. It’s none of his and your business.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Why should I be bothered by his presence?”

“You are indeed bothered. You can’t hide that fact. But the question is, why?”

“Never mind. Whatever.”

Those two words will always be her ending statement whenever she doesn’t want a topic to be continued. Claire loves dodging my stares, my topic, and everything she doesn’t like.

I sat on our sofa and let out a deep sigh, while Claire gwentinto our kitchen.

“What a day!” I uttered and Claire glared at me, seemed already preparing but it sseemedlike something iswasissing.

“Aren’t we supposed to eat lunch in a restaurant?”

“Oh! We forgot.” that could be a chance to spend Claire’s money on a nice restaurant, what a waste.

“Nope, YOU forgot. You hurriedly told me to find a taxi,” she argues.

“Okay, fine. Haven’t you remembered that it is you who’s hurrying to go home because Haze might have seen you?.” as expected she just rolled her eyes does her eyes never get tired of rolling repeatedly?

What should I do with this woman? I remembered that I need to check my emails, there might be a chance that one of the companies that I applied to could’ve sent me a response early this morning.

“I’ll be back in a minute, will be checking my-Claire gavefore I finished my words, Clairegaves me a thumbs up, which meant, go! I hurriedly went inside my ropened next to Claire’s room, and oopenedmy laptop.

As I browse my emails, no response yet. I’ll be checking this again later or tomorrow. I do believe that one drop of hope can turn into a poison that can kill an army of doubt, have hope always

Morrilae.

My laptop beeps. “One mail received!”

Hmm? What’s this message could be?

“It’s not from my email account. It’s Claire’opened uttered in disappointment, as I open her mailbox it was from a Publishing Company. I didn’t open it yet, since it’s not for me.

I found Claire inside the kitchen preparing our lunch. I got her attention by showing her my laptop. She just gave me a What is it? look.

“It’s from a Publishing company and sat on the sofa while continuing to browsiseemede mail she received, because it seems like she was not interested at all. “…did you resign and then apply for to other company?” asked I, confused why would she be resigninghe loves her current job right now.

“I did apply for that company…. but as a writer.”

“Ah! Maybe this is the result, have you submitted an entry poem or is itcontinued cooking” She nodded and cocontinuedooking. I asked first for her permission iould open the entry and read her poem, I am her number one reader, and she then gave me a nod again and a thumbs up. The mail says, your entry is,

I am her number one reader, and she then gave me a nod again and a thumbs up. The mail says, your entry is,

“Your entry is…” said I then slowly conticontinuedead the whole paper sent. “…ACCEPTED!” I screamed, out of excitement. Clariviel did it again! But when I look at her reaction, can’t see any amusement on her face at all, neither did I see anything that could prove to her that she is happy with the news.

“Why? Isn’t it good news?”

“It is.” she bluntly replies, but why does it look like it isn’t?

“Is there any problem with the result, are you expecting other news aside from this?” she stopped what she is cwasrently doing and look at me, did I just see a sad eye? “…you told me earlier that you willwouwouldlling me the reason why you’re suddenly spacing out, early this morning. I’ll lend you, my ear.” I added trying to dig up the cause of her long face earlier.

“Well, it goes like this, it’s nothing important though.” she bluntly replied. But no matter how sugar-coating she might’ve done to suppress her feelings, that doesn’t mean her life is sweet enough. I could still see a drop of bitterness within her, especially these past few months.

She sat beside me and lean leanedhead on the back of the sofa, I looked at her and she just starestarede, forced a bit of smile as fast as she could then turned her stare at the ceiling. I just copied whatever she is dowasg.

“If it’s important for you, then I can’t see any reason for that issue to not be important to me. Spill it.” I said knowing how deep the thoughts Claire must have been keeping from me, just to avoid being interrogated like this. I could keep the best secret from her but Claire doesn’t have the expertise at that, I knew her more than she knew herself.

She took a deep sigh before uttering words, “I submitted last month my book, the one that I let you read.” emotionlessly she uttered. So, that was then the reason for her long face earlier this morning.

“And then? Did they tell you it’s trash?” I asked and never waiwaitedr any reply from her. “What a nonsense taste they have then,” I added. I couldn’t help not to roll my eyes.

Claire has been working on her writing skills for years now and her company itself couldn’t show much appreciation for her work. They are simply wasting a talented author.

“No. It’s just that, I haven’t received any response yet or maybe they throw it already—”

“No way.” I cut off what she’s trying to conclude because it’ll just be negative. I faced her but she just closed her eyes to hide those emotions. “You’re overthinking things again,” I added.

She is so expert at overthinking things, “Keep in mind that it is excellent work, Claire. They are the ones who don’t know to read such a masterpiece.

If your Publishing Company is not helping you with your writing journey, leave them.” I suggested as calmly as I could, not to put pressure on her. “You can always find another company that could see your worth as a writer. There are many opportunities there for a person like you.”

“I won’t resign, yet. I mean, I can still wait. I am now only one mile away from my dream to be an author and I don’t want to restart again from scratch.” she replied then forced a smile again.

“If that’s what keeps you going, I’ll support you.”

Claire already finished cooking after we discussed a bit of her issue earlier, we’re both quietly enjoying our lunch, sitting beside each other on our favorite sofa. The house is quite silent today is it because this lady beside me is still being chased by her thoughts about her unpublished book? She keeps on sighing, frowning and her eyebrows are bridging the little gap between them.

Is she able to swallow down her food properly in that situation?

If only it was already midnight, she would again be crying inside her room drowning herself with negativities. She doesn’t even care if her anxiety gets worse.

I tapped her shoulder as she spaced out, looking at spaces. “It’ll be okay, Claire. It will be,” said I in a soft, comforting voice. I’m not good at giving advice but when it comes to Claire, suddenly I’d utter words of comfort unexpectedly. No clue at all.

“I’m not okay.”

“I know” I agreed. “…and you don’t need to pretend to be okay in front of me if you are not. You can always pour it out, just then you’ll feel the lightness in your chest that has been pulling you down. Every author like you knows how heavy a small burden is, but that, too, shall pass away.”

I looked at her and forced a sincere smile, she just let her head slowly lean on my shoulder. Then, a second after, I can hear her sobbing. She is in pain. I just closed my eyes and let the time flies. I’m always open arms for this soft-hearted lady, I can see that she’s been always tough, and that’s why she carries such heavy thoughts with her.

Slowly, I grabbed my laptop beside me, with just my right hand not to interrupt her, and opened the mailbox to read one of her entries. Most of her poems are sorrowful, and few were written with happy sentiments, for her, writing is a comfort zone to let her thoughts be spoken through rhyming words.

BITTER-SWEET LIFE.

Almost wasted my energy, should I refuel at a near station?

Numerous times have I assumed, that maturity would fill me instantly,

Even if I never ask for it, it’ll consume me unexpectedly.

Curiously I wrote things about myself, will I ever understand, me?

Reality has hit me hard; I almost lost my memory.

A different me was activated, I needed to be on guard, or else.

The crowd will suffocate my lungs, it blocks the air I’m wanting to inhale.

Enough time for me to live, and to leave, should I choose between the two.

The world is turning its back on me, but never the back of this lady.

She has been a comfort and a sweet perfume at times life offers me bitterly.

Though things are pulling me down, whether they be light or heavy

Her hand keeps on pulling me back, to where she knew I belong.

When will I ever thank her, for being my hopeful song?

Written by: C.M.

I couldn’t help but smile, this is the treasure I always wanted her to see inside her. This talent is not just a mere talent any Publishing Company can find along the highway, they need Claire.

After reading her poem, it makes me re-think what I have done to this woman that she can mention a bwaster and rude friend in her poem, so sweet, though I hate sweet gestures like this.

“maybe the person mentioned wasn’t—”

“That’s you of course, who else?” haven’t noticed that Claire is also reading the poem and is now probably glaring at me but when my eyes landed on her stares, the sadness within is powerful.

“You can also be an actress, Claire. Sadness suits you well,” said I, teasing her, those words do make her laugh for a second. That is her, she may be consumed by sadness for an hour but in just a minute, all eventually fades.

“Life has given me this kind of power, to make sadness dwell long enough within me that it makes me even prettier, right?” said Claire with her sweet-sarcastic smile, look who’s bragging about her own wasted tears.

This time I need to give her a cold smile for that pride, “Yeah, you’re pretty but not quite when you cry. You look like a broken-hearted college student—”

“Never mind, whatever,” said Claire rolling her eyes and leaning again her head on my shoulder.

When will this lady beside me ever feel that herexher existence enough see herself is a masterpiece along with her poems that are so heartfelt, I don’t even know how on earth she put her whole sincerity between those stanzas and rhyming words. It gives me cringe every time I read her poems, but it’s always worth reading. Yet I will not join Clairlooked her sobbing today, I mean ever.

I will let her always have the stage.

“You know what Claire, I have read some statement somewhere on social media, that says, it’s okay to cry,” said I and look at her calm eyes. “because they concluded that even at the beginning of our life just after we were born, crying is a wonderful sign that proves we are alive,” I added and let out a deep sigh.

“Maybe the dream of being an author supposed to be yours, it fits you well.” She responds.