I cry myself to sleep sometimes

I cry myself to sleep sometimes because of other people’s pain. No one will ever know. It’s not because I can’t be honest or vulnerable. It’s because I hold other people’s pain and my own could hurt you. So I cry myself to sleep sometimes. It’s the only time I can. The walls in my room know. They've watched me noiselessly scream.

I cry myself to sleep sometimes but I wake up and dress myself in a smile, ’cause joy is a medicine and pain is a wound…my wound. I won’t let it wound you. I say prayers and write songs to release the tension in my brain. And I cry myself to sleep sometimes with the tears of the ones I love.

I cry myself to sleep sometimes and I wish I didn’t care. I wish I could forget that my choices have consequences for others too but I can’t. So I’m hear writing to the air and only God can hear. It’s a comforting thought. He restores my heart and rests my soul each night. And I wake up ready to give. You take my joy and I leave with your sorrows because I don’t have to keep them. I can lay them at His throne.

I cry myself to sleep sometimes and you might say it’s my own choice to walk alone and it is. But I carry secrets…some heavy and that’s a burden I can’t share. God made some people for such a time as holding others up when they're lost or broken even if they won’t remember or reciprocate. It’s actually a blessing cuz I’m forced to rely more heavily on the author of life.

I cry myself to sleep sometimes but as long as you need me I’ll be here. And no I’m never mad. I love you.