So, What’s Your Choice? (Hey, Ren)

I awoke in a white room with slight stains on the walls, containing a pristine white bed which looked like it had been cleaned regularly. There was nothing else in the room, no sounds either. Other than a slight ring in my ears, there was nothing. There was a strange aura. It was all plain, and not only because everything had a white tone. No sounds; No smells; Nothing at all. I pulled the greyish blanket off my body—only to notice a white gown, with minuscule blue spots splattered about it—I stood up from the bed with the intent of walking about. I looked down—I didn’t remember being in these clothes before—I ran my hands through my hair, and paced around the room pulling at the strands at certain times. What am I doing here? Why am I here again?

There was a door in the room, it was plain, and clean, and of course, white. It had a normal rectangular door handle, it was shiny and silver. I approached it slowly, I held my hand out slightly and stared at the handle. I grasped the cold handle in my fist, and rapidly jiggled the knob. Locked.

I suddenly heard a thump behind me, it was like someone stomping their foot on the solid ground or knocking their fist on a surface of sorts. I jumped with a slight start and quickly turned my head, inquiring who may be behind me. There had been no sound before, and I hadn’t seen anyone in awhile. I wasn’t sure if I indeed wanted to figure out the riddler behind me.

‘Hello, You,’ The mysterious person said as I looked them in the eyes. They had dark red hair and unique blue eyes. They seemed familiar.

“Who the hell are you?” I said stuttering and stammering over my words in horror of the mysterious person in front of me.

‘Who do you think—you already know don’t you?’ They said, they clasped their hands behind their back and stepped slowly closer.

“What the hell,” I said, I tried to step away however my back met the door, my hands grasped the frames. I tried once more with my right hand to fiddle the door open, however it was glued into the latch.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ They asked, turning their neck to the side so it just about touch their shoulder.

“I said—” I stared sternly still wiggling the door knob, “who are you!” I though I knew who they were, but I was afraid to ask.

“God—how did you get yourself stuck here? I thought you were getting better—at least that’s what you told yourself,” They said, looking around all the corners of where he and I were held.

“I thought was, why do you think I’m in here? You already know exactly why! It didn’t work,” I answered, my back still to the door, but my neck leaned slightly forward. My brows turned down and an angry snarl turned up on my face.

“You know exactly what happened—where the hell are we anyway?” I snapped back once more, he looked me deep in my eyes—I knew exactly who they were now—I’d seen those eyes about some million times.

“Why couldn’t you have just gotten over it? You’ve driven yourself crazy now,” They said to me stepping closer looking at the wall, he still had their hands clasped behind his back.

“Yeah—I made bad choices—I had my hopes up—I had issues. But you know that’s not getting better, so why must you pester me about it?” I answered. They continued to slowly step closer, his devious blue eyes locking into mine for only me to get stuck into once more.

“Yeah—You did have your hopes up? What, you were going to be some ‘big music star’, ‘record deals’ and whatnot,” They continued. He swatted his head side to side and almost gave a little chuckle to themselves. In a panic I banged and pounded on the door behind me, I fiddled with the lock but it still wouldn’t budge. As they grew closer I hit my body up against it in disbelief.

“Stop—” I called out petrified, “what do you want—what could you possibly want now!” I finished, covering my ears and sliding down the door, my vision had blurred slightly. They had drawn closer evermore—they were only a few feet away from me—I didn’t know whether to scream, or stay silent. They would both most likely have the same effect.

“Why didn’t you just give up? It would’ve been easier for the both of us,” They clapped back in my face as he drew further and bent down, excusing their calmed, intimidating, and slightly whimsy tone for a more frustrated replacement. Both were equally terrifying.

“I wanted to get better—” I started pointing my index finger at my chest. “You wouldn’t get out of my head!” I snapped back screaming, slamming my fists on the floor. I noticed the cold—and somewhat relief—of a tear brush down my cheek, and then another one followed on the opposite side to match the other.

“I’m always in your head—” He replied, standing up tall and chuckling at the end of his statement, which I’d desired not to be a truth in my moment of despair and delusion.

“We. Are. One: To kill me is to kill you and vice versa. So what’s the choice my frie—” They said slowly, and in an almost arrogant tone. They stood taller as they said their ferocious words; which of course I’d never let them finish.

“Stop—” I screamed once more, this time twice as loud—and almost with a break in my voice along with the addition of an abundance of tears flowing down—I didn’t startle them however, he may have become more angry with ourself than he was before.

“I’m not going down that road again! I—I’m n—not listening to you a—anymore!” I clapped back with my hands over my ears, and then moved my face gently into my palms.

“I’m always here! I’m in your thoughts for god’s sakes! You can’t not listen to me—” They started, throwing their arms up in the air. His eyes locked upon the ceiling, he was about to be deep in thought; and I didn’t want to stick around for their ‘monologue’.

“Whenever you do anything, I’ll be there. Every move you make, every step you take, every breath that come out of your lungs I will see it and I will breath it was well,” He replied. He bent down, not less than a foot away from me, put their fingertips on the underside of my chin, and tinted my face up, and said—

“The only ways it to die: So, what’s your choice?”

Suddenly, I heard a knock on the other side of the door, I rapidly turned around to view the door—I couldn’t feel his fingers anymore, and it all went silent, and dark—.

“Ren?” a voice said, I jolted up. ‘What the hell just happened?’ It almost felt as if I had awoken from something. I rapidly turned my head around the room, I was terrified about who would pop out next. I returned in the exact bed, and in the exact room. ‘Did he do something to me?’ ‘Was I in some sort of trance?’

“Ren!” the voice said again, they banged harder. It was a powerful voice, with a hard to describe accent. ‘New York? Southern?’ My mind rambled, it sounded like an older black woman; maybe I’d recognized the voice from before.

“Y—yes,” I called out. I heard the key jingle and the sound of a door click. It squeaked open to reveal a woman who’d been calling out from behind—she did seem slightly familiar. She had poofy mid-length black hair in small coils, along with dark skin and noticeably long, dark eyelashes surrounding thin, and almost ebony eyes. She was a bigger woman, wearing the uniform of a nurse. She held a light colored clipboard and seemed to scan through it thoroughly.

“Ren, the doctor would like to see you now,” she said, walking off expecting me to follow with the wave of her hand for me to come near.

I’d understood what happened now, it seemed like an episode if that’s how you’d describe it. I never really knew what to call them. They were never too bad. I just knew I would not pleasure meeting my inner conscience and demons once more.