Beauty is Destined to Wilt

May 1, 1873

Dear Aunt Philipa,

Today I went to the market with my father to run some errands. As we passed by Main Street I saw a girl my age. She was wearing a bright red frilly dress and was holding a basket of flowers. She looked like she came out of a fantasy movie. I could hardly believe such bright colours existed, not in this society. I must have been staring at her a little too long because while my father was at the butcher’s, she came up to me. She rustled through her basket and pulled out a nice bright yellow chrysanthemum and handed it to me. She said smiling, “Here it matches your lovely eyes.” Honestly, I got pretty flustered and awkwardly thanked her, briskly turning away. I hid the flower under my jacket all the way home. I thought about what she said, but people would always sneer in disgust seeing my eyes. Amber eyes weren’t lovely, they were something to be ashamed of. But something about her seemed so sincere. She was such an odd girl but aunt, I can’t stop thinking about her. When I looked at her it felt like seeing the sun for the first time.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Charles

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June 12, 1873

Dear Aunt Philipa,

It’s been a bit over a month since I last wrote you. I’ve been going to the market nearly everyday now to see the odd girl. I’m lucky no one’s questioned where I’m off to. I learned her name is Azalea. Azy for short. She shines so brightly, she’s constantly smiling. We talk about everything but also nothing. None of it has any significance, yet It's amazing, it's like etiquette is a foreign concept I’ve never needed to worry about. When I’m around her, I forget there was ever anything wrong in the world. She seems to skip everywhere she goes. I know it’s corny but aunt you know you're the only one I could share this with.

After about two weeks of meeting she took me to her garden. She told me she wished to share it with the world but unfortunately society could never accept it and if anyone found it, it would surely be taken away. She said she was glad to finally be able to share it with someone. It’s beautiful beyond anything I’ve ever seen. It’s something I think you would like. I didn’t know flowers could be so colourful. I’m convinced she was grown in the garden. Now we both meet there everyday. I now have trouble understanding how I used to live. I can't imagine my life without colour. Without her colour.

Hope you’re well,

Charles

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April 22, 1874

Dear Aunt Philipa,

Azy and I are very well. I’m a little busy helping my father with his business so I don't get to visit her as often anymore but I still go to the garden once a week. She’s started inviting me to help her at the market. She goes everyday with a basket of fresh flowers and tries handing them out. I didn’t realize it before but she gets plenty of dirty looks and disgusted scoffs. Sometimes people want to pick a fight and rant nonsense aggressively towards her but every time she just smiles at them sweetly until they move along. To be honest I can’t see any difference in anything we do, it’s the same everyday. I don’t completely understand the purpose but it seems important to her so I do my best. She says people are just angry at the world. She says the world has become so gray it’s hard to see all the beautiful things there are to smile about. I suppose she’s right. I’ve never really thought about it but other people aren’t really all that different to her. She always seemed like some sort of estranged being but really she’s just another girl. So how can she find so much to smile about? She still never fails to amaze me.

Hope you’re smiling,

Charles

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January 19, 1877

Dear Aunt Philipa,

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written about Azy. I've realized I can’t picture living in a world without her. Everything about her; her walk, her laugh, even when she goes on and on about flowers and their meanings. She says chrysanthemums are her favourite, especially the yellow ones, they represent friendship, happiness and well-being. I can't help but smile every time she starts mumbling over their beauty. She must know some sort of secret language of flowers. For her birthday I got her a flower sticker packet. They were all black and white unfortunately, but of course she found a way to colour them and now everything she owns has stickers somewhere on it. Even my things are somehow always covered in stickers. She likes sweets so I often take her out to cafes. She discovered chocolate cake for the first time. Now it’s all she ever wants. Yesterday she made me a flower crown of poppies. Typical of her but I walked to work smiling ear to ear. I can't wait for you to meet her. I think you’ll both get along splendidly. I worry I might go crazy for her.

Hope you’re smiling as much as I am,

Charles

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Dear Aunt Philipa,

You are invited to celebrate the wedding of

Charles Higgens & Azalea Verwelk

On March 21, 1877 13:00 - 16:30

At Welsure’s Garden Chapel

Please dress in anything colourful if you own any

Hope to see your smile,

Charles & Azy

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February 7, 1883

Dear Aunt Philipa,

Hope you are well. A few weeks ago someone new came into power in the autocracy. Things got much stricter. I don’t think I was ready for the change. I didn’t think it could get any worse. I’m not sure that Azy was ready but either way she didn’t show it. She’d already faced enough discrimination as it was but now it’s practically unbearable. It started with local businesses shutting us out. She can't even get groceries in her dullest outfit. It’s been rough but we have each other and we’ll make it work. We’ve been keeping our own spirits high. I've learned to bake and Azy always loves trying my creations. We hang out together in the garden much more now. Like we used to. I get anxious sometimes but then I look at her face and there isn’t anything I would need to change. So long as we’re together.

Always smiling,

Charles

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March 12, 1883

Dear Aunt Philipa,

Yesterday the fuzz came knocking at our door, they handed Azy a warning notice, she was to stop dressing and expressing herself ‘inappropriately’. The file stated, if  she did not stop her behavior, first would come a fine, next execution. Azy gripped the note tight. Seeing her face, I thought she might start a commotion. Their blaring gray uniforms certainly did nothing to help the mood. Instead she just thanked the officers, turned around and shut the door. Immediately she shred the note in two, letting the pieces fall to the floor. I wanted to stop her, ask her to follow the law. At least to tone it down for a little while but if you had seen her face, you too wouldn’t have dared. I can't help but worry, yet somehow Azy’s still smiling.

Still smiling,

Charles

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April 16, 1883

Dear Aunt Philipa,

Another notice came today. The fine. This is our last chance. This time I couldn’t let Azy do it. I got on my knees, I begged her with all my heart, not to continue this. She just knelt down, put her arms around me and whispered “I could never live in the gray world. I don’t belong here if I can’t share light.” Then she looked me in the eyes and smiled. It broke my heart but I know I could never repress her. She was right after all. If she can’t blossom she’s destined to wilt. Now all I can do is my best to protect her.

Keep smiling,

Charles

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August 27, 1883

Dear Aunt Philipa,

She’s gone. Azy’s gone. I couldn’t protect her. No, I failed to protect her. Again they came to our door. I answered, they asked for Azy. I told them she wasn’t home. I prayed she was safe in the garden. They stormed in and searched the entire house. After about 20 minutes they all moved out and I followed. I don’t know how but they discovered the garden. They found her. They took her away from me. I desperately shoved at the officers restraining me but Azy didn’t resist. She looked at me. No, she looked into my eyes. As if somehow trying to convince me it was alright. And in her eyes, I could see she regretted nothing. I think that just pains me more. Like she knew this was the outcome all along. Like it wouldn’t have mattered if I had done anything differently.

A tear ran down her face but she was still smiling. Still smiling, how can she still be smiling? As she was being dragged away out of the garden I only saw her mouth, “Thank you.”

I sat in the garden for the next three days. I couldn’t leave. I needed to be with the last part of her.

An officer in a bleak gray uniform barged into the garden looking very out of place in the colourful sanctum. He carelessly stepped on a stray pansy. He was accompanied by about 6 others, all wielding shovels. They paid me no mind and started digging up everything. Like a kid destroying artwork for the fun of it. In my mind I screamed at them. I was desperately shouting at them to leave. They had no right to even step foot here. I imagined myself kicking and screaming at them. But in reality, I just sat there. I didn’t move. Didn’t say a word. I just watched them dig up every colour I had discovered one by one. Like it was nothing. It had always been nothing. They kept digging up every remaining plant, thoroughly stomping on each flower and bud. Last of all her chrysanthemums. Our chrysanthemums. Bright yellow petals carelessly discarded and crushed under muddied soil. And for the first time in years, I swear, through my eyes, the world turned gray again. I guess all beauty is really destined to wilt.

Charles.

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You are invited to attend Azalea Higgens memorial service

October 7th, 1883 18:00 - 20:00

In loving memory of Azalea Higgens

May 13, 1860 - May 1, 1883

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