Tommy dean

we sat togehter in his car, we were step siblings and we didint know eachother like that. i sat in the passenger seat nervous and i looked down at my hands alot. "so.." he said quietly nodding. "so" i took a deep breath. he scratched his head, "how about this. lets make it seem like we just met. hi im Tommy, whats your name?" i smiled and put my hand out. "hi im sam" he took my hand with a smile and shook it. we sat back into our seats awkwardly again. "so what do you want to do with your life?" he asked. i smiled, "i wanna be an author and a director" i said proud of my words. his eyes lit up, "dude! i wanna be a song writer!! we both want something to do with expressing ourselves!!" i got exited and we took eachothers hand and shook eachother. "wow this is great! we had no idea who eachother were but like now its ok!" i smiled and relaxed myself. "so what kind of music are you into?" he asked and pulled out his phone. "oh uhm any kind. i can put something on if you want." i offered and he handed me his phone. i took it and put on the song chill bill. we sat there until the song came on. i sat nervous he might not approve of this song but he turned to me. "dude. i think were blood, because this is my shit!" i lit up like a lantern on a dark night. "seriously?" he nodded.

for weeks we were best frineds. we were eachothers person to call on a dark gloomy night. we were going to go out to hang out, as i checked the time, it was 9pm. i walked out of the house and he sat there waiting for me in his car, he leaned over and opened the door for me and i got in and closed the door, "whats trippin hippie?" i smiled, "nothing much, tweaker" i said as i pulled out my phone. it was tradition, anytime we hung out we had to take a picture together. we took the picture and then i went through my playlist for a song. "i found our song bro" he said taking my phone and looking for the song.

while he did this i was nervous, i tried to grab it back. "uhm can i have my phone back please.." i said obviously trying not to panic. he looked at me. he knew something was wrong. "whats wrong, sammy" he said looking into my soul. "you know you can tell me right?" i hated those words. i leaned back and tried not to tear up, i slowly shook my head no. he set the phone down but didint loosen his grip.

"whats going on, you can tell me" i shook my head, "no youll tell my parents..youll tell our dad.." i said obviously terrified. he took my face into his hands. "sam...i already know whats going on at home for you. i hear it on the phone with you all the time. your safe when your with me. i wont hurt you, i wont hit you, i wont rape you. sam i your big brother." i broke down. those were the words iv been needing to hear sense i was 5. i slowly nodded. he looked through my phone, "this is a situation you can easily get through, just block them ok?" i nodded and he blocked them. he wiped my tears and hugged me. "sammy its going to be ok.." this was dangerous..i was getting attached.

acouple weeks later we were on call together and listening to music together. "hey sam" he slurred from being drunk. i chuckled and didint look up from my writing, "yeah?" i answered. "im gonna move you in with me, get you a job with me and get you your dream car. no one you finna be abused anymore" within those words there was pauses, slurrs and hiccups. i stopped writing, "what?" i was shocked. for years it felt like no one wanted me around. it felt like no one wanted me. it felt like everyone pushed me away. i smiled. "id love that.." he nodded. "ok, as soon as your 15 buddy." i laughed. "ok"

his birthday came around and i was on the phone with him while at the mall. "tommy what the hell do you like" i complained. "rick and morty, reminds me of me and you oh and juice wrld" i laughed. "gotchu" i said and ran to the nearest store like spencers, hottopic or anything similar. "I GOT IT!" i shouted as i got him some shirts, magnets and some other stuff. i made him a hand made letter for his birthday and sealed it up and put it all in a box and wrapped it. "ok im coming back into town next week anyways so ill get it then and we can go do something" i laughed, "perrr" he hated it when i said that. he groane,d "oh no" he complained and laughed and so did I. he was my safe place. he was my home. he was the person i called when i was stranded on the side of the road.

he couldint make it down that week. "sorry, i cant make it this week" he texted. i sighed. "k" i wrote back and looked at his gift that laid on my desk. later that night we got into a argument, "dude shes not worth it! would you stop talking about her?! im sick of hearing, "alley this, alley that" its fucking annoying!" i said and threw something at the wall in anger. "Sam what the hell is your problem!?!" i started to tear up but i choked back because i didint want to argue. i hated that i was so sensitive. "im sorry, im taking my anger out on you.." he sighed, "sam its ok, im sorry for always complaining about her. you deal with enough bitching at home. whats going on tho?" he asked. "i hate my parents.." i said as i cried. "its ok...youll be out soon.." i nodded. "i hope" he sighed, "im going to bed. good night i love you" he never told me that. "love you too tommy" i said and then he hung up. i didint think.

the next day i was at a friends house and got the call..."hey sam..uhm." i heard hesitation. "whats up?" i asked quietly. "tommy uhm..tommy died due to overdose..im sorry for your loss i know he was everything" i cried.

for 8 months after his death i did nothing but cry, and when i wasint crying i was being screamed and yelled at. all i thought was, "i wish my best friend was here to protect me..tell me everything will be alright" i wished he was here...right now i wish he was here..one last hug...