Something to Say

Keegan

Megz is out on the roof. I nudge my bedroom door open further with my foot, then walk in slowly so I don’t spill the two cups of coffee I’m carrying.

“Hey there,” I call out, “I’ve got coffee.”

She turns at my words and stretches her arm through the open window to take one of the cups.

“You read my mind, KeeKee. God, do I need coffee.” Her voice is hoarse, and her face, squinting into the rising sun, looks a little tense.

My face probably looks the same. I’m already wondering if I should have stayed in Blue’s room and forced him to keep talking to me.

At the very least, maybe I should have insisted on giving him a big, comforting hug. Why didn’t I refuse to leave his side?

He asked me to leave, so I left. Now I regret it. But I don’t have the guts to go back to his room right now. Instead, I just want to talk to my best friend.

I’m not going to tell her Blue’s secret. As much as I would like to unburden myself, I understand I can’t tell Megz or anyone else.

If I did, and the story got out, Blue could get into serious trouble. I know that. But I also know just talking to Megz will make me feel better; it always has.

I crouch and step through the window, grateful for the warm air on my skin. Oklahoma weather is always topsy-turvy. One day, you’re in the middle of a blizzard; the next, you’re reaching for a pair of shorts.

I sit beside Megz on the roof and take a sip of my coffee, staring at her tie-dyed pajama bottoms. I have a matching set that are around here somewhere; we bought them together sophomore year.

“Sorry about last night,” I say, curling my free arm around shoulders. “I didn’t mean to abandon you.”

She’s staring into the rust-colored leaves of the oak tree, seemingly preoccupied. For a moment, I’m not sure she heard me. Then she smiles and clutches my hand in hers.

“No worries, bestie,” she says, slanting her eyes at me. “Hunter and I hung out for a little while, got to know each other.”

“Did you—?” I ask, shooting up my eyebrows.

Megz laughs and shakes her head, taking another sip. “We just made out. We didn’t even get close to, you know, actual fucking.”

Her lips hover over the steaming coffee for a second. Her tone is light, but her expression is something different.

“I just wasn’t into it,” she adds with a shrug. “Had other things on my mind.” She nudges me and makes a face. “And since you were off boffing the rock star, I decided to get a good night’s sleep in your bed.”

I give her a faint smile. I’ll just let her think I was having sex with Blue all night.

It’s too complicated to explain about Jason and the profile and Kendra’s bullshit. Not to mention Blue’s gut-wrenching story. My head is still spinning over all of it.

Megz lets out a long sigh and gives me a sidelong glance; it feels like she wants to say something else.

“Everything okay?” I prompt.

She doesn’t respond, just stares into the tree again.

After a few moments, I change the subject, pointing at the compact red car that’s parked in front of the house.

“Hey, is that yours?” I’ve never seen it before; far as I know, Megz has never had a car.

It’s one of the things that really bugged her in high school. It bugged her even more when everyone else headed off to college in some kind of vehicle.

As long as I’ve known her, Megz has always had some kind of job. But the money she earned ended up having to go to other things. Like rent, after she was able to live on her own when she turned 17.

She used to borrow my car a lot. She even got into a minor accident with it once, and Virginia hit the roof over that, even though it was none of her business. No one asked her to pay for the repairs.

My grandmother disliked Megz from the first time she met her. She started calling her “trash” almost as soon as our friendship began. Just thinking about that now makes me squeeze my eyes closed for a second.

Nobody can make me as furious as Virginia Cooke.

“Nah, it’s not my car, Kee,” Megz answers my question as I open my eyes. “I borrowed it from a friend at school. Just to come see you.”

She brushes a strand of hair out of her mouth, and the bracelet on her wrist—it looks like a diamond bracelet—flashes in the morning sun.

I lean into her shoulder. “And that bracelet? That come from a friend, too?” I’m teasing her, mostly. But a ripple of worry twists my insides.

Guys like to give Megz stuff. They fall in love with her; they feel sorry for her.

Sometimes, at least in my opinion, she plays the victim when she shouldn’t. When we were in high school, she had a sugar daddy for a while, some older guy with plenty of money to throw around.

At first, Megz liked him. She definitely liked all the gifts he gave her. But then, when she got tired of him and tried to end it, the sugar daddy turned into a violent dirtbag.

She had to get a restraining order against him. Fortunately, that’s as far as it went. But it could have been so much worse.

Megz is glaring at me, obviously picking up on what I’m thinking about. Sometimes she accuses me of being too quick to judge her when I have no idea what her life has been like.

I suppose that’s true. Still, she should be more careful.

“This belongs to one of my sorority sisters, Keegan,” she interrupts my thoughts, twisting her wrist to show off the bracelet. “And so does the car.”

Her arch tone tells me she’s pissed. And she only calls me Keegan when she’s irritated.

Megz had been so proud of getting into the Alpha Chi Omega sorority at OU. She must’ve sent me 100 texts about it. I was truly happy for her, even if I don’t get the appeal of sororities.

“You don’t know how it is, being in Alpha Chi,” Megz goes on, stretching out her legs and lifting her face into the sun. “You have to always look a certain way. You have to wear certain things and shop at certain places, and it’s all so goddamn expensive.”

The wobble in her voice makes me put a hand on her arm.

“Megz, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be judgy. I know what a big deal AChiO is to you. I just want you to be safe.”

She throws me a bitter look I don’t understand and seems to struggle with what to say next.

“We all borrow from each other,” she goes on, finally, “all of us sorority sisters, it’s what we do.”

I’m trying to be kind, but there’s that hint of superiority in her voice again that’s maddening. I look away, trying to ignore it.

“Not that I have a fucking thing anybody wants to borrow,” Megz adds bitterly.

I know about all the foster homes she’s cycled through; about carrying everything she owned around in a trash bag; about having to adjust to yet another family over and over again.

I know about the agony of living with the knowledge your biological parents basically threw you away. And about aging out of the system because no one ever wanted to adopt you. I know about it. But I will never know how it feels. Not really.

Megz used to open up to me more than she does now. Over the last six months or so, we’ve become more guarded with each other. I don’t exactly know why.

Now, though, hearing the anger and resentment in her voice, I wish I’d tried harder to break down the wall that’s grown between us. We’re still close; she’s still my best friend.

But something doesn’t feel right.

I hook my arm around her, pull her close to me. “Megz, I—”

“Hey, there’s your little boy Blue,” she exclaims, pulling away from me and pointing toward the front yard where Blue has just jumped off the porch. He’s wearing running clothes and heading for the street.

“Hey, Blue!” she shouts, “Your girl is up here!” There’s no way he didn’t hear Megz. But he doesn’t look back.

After a moment, she turns to me. “Well, that was weird,” she huffs.

And then she takes a hard look at the expression I’m sure is on my face. So many conflicting emotions about Blue right now probably have me looking shell-shocked.

“Hmm,” Megz muses. “Is there trouble in paradise, KeeKee? Already?”

I shake my head, brushing away some kind of flying bug. “It’s complicated, Megz,” I sigh. “Like, seriously complicated.”

She laughs. “Isn’t everything?”

We talk for a while longer. I don’t tell her what Blue told me. But I change my mind and tell her about the profile and Virginia ruining things again. And about Kendra’s mind games.

“Holy fuck!” Megz bursts out. “What is that bitch’s problem?”

We spend a few minutes speculating about the extent of Kendra’s evil nature, and yeah, that makes me feel better. Then Megz slaps her thighs and announces she has to get back to OU.

We crawl into my bedroom, and she quickly gets dressed. Then we head downstairs as she pulls the car keys out of her black duffel bag.

She opens the driver door and slings the duffel into the passenger seat, then turns back to wrap me in a tight hug.

After a few seconds, she pulls back, her hands on my shoulders, and I sense her hesitation. Again, it feels like she wants to tell me something.

“Megz?” I decide to try humor. “Calm Yo Tits, Gurl.”

It seems to take forever, but finally, a grin appears on her face. “That’s my line, bitch,” she retorts, fluffing my hair, then sliding into the driver’s seat.

“Gotta go. Hope you can work things out with that hot hunka man.”

I lean into the car window as she starts to pull away. “Give me a call,” I say. “I can tell you’ve got something to say.”

She waves at me but doesn’t respond.

A few minutes later, I’m up in my room, writing in my journal, when I hear someone on the porch. The front door opens; then I hear feet pounding up the stairs.

I slap my journal shut and jump off the bed, running to crack my door in time to see Blue heading into his room. Hurt that he didn’t come to see me, I close the door and just stand there resting my forehead on it.

A couple of minutes after that, I hear the bathroom door screech open, and the shower being turned on. I stare at the wobbly door handle for a long moment.

Just leave him alone.

Disregarding my own thought, I yank the door open, striding toward the bathroom, determined to make Blue talk to me. Or make love to me. Anything but ignore me.

The bathroom door is slightly ajar, and steam is rising from the shower. I step inside and quickly take off my clothes. But then I freeze, because I hear a choked, agonized sound.

Peering around the shower curtain, I see Blue, standing under the water, his face buried in his hands. He’s sobbing. I slip into the shower and wrap my arms around him as tight as I can.