Transcript from a phone recording (re: challenges as a writer)

I used to think the biggest challenge I faced as a writer was whether to post "what is popular" versus to post "what is good." On Instagram, where I've been posting less and less, I know what will grab people's attention - but for the last two years, I've decided not to post a lot of that content.

"What is popular" is usually one of my sob stories, and what is "good" is also a sob story, but framed in a less "grab-your-attention" light. Recently, these lines have started to blur. I'm losing a lot of followers. But I know a lot of the people who follow me personally and it's hard to express myself fully within that context.

There's one person in particular, who, if you're reading this and know me as a writer and person and know who I'm talking about - yeah, I used to write about that person a lot. And it was like in a "feel my pain" kind of whiney way. I don't write about that person anymore. One, because I am tempted to post a lot of stuff to Instagram that is too personal to begin with, and two, because writing about that person makes me crazy. It takes me to a weird mental space. And I don't think anything gets accomplished writing about this person - my writing is sh*t when I do write about them.

If I've learned anything from posting to the internet, it's that anger doesn't translate well - it makes for bad writing. You sort of have to come into writing with a zen frame of mind.

Another challenge I face as a writer is stagnancy. I have already written the same thing twenty times, how do I spice it up? I've been writing more and more stuff offline under a pseudonym, with content that I think digs deeper. I think writing for sites like Instagram has made me water down so much of what I write, because again, I know people on that site, personally. In my writing under a pseudonym, I am actually free to be myself as a writer, and I have found that to be much more rewarding.

Another, final, challenge is - sometimes I post something I think is really, really good and get no likes or feedback (again, on Instagram). It makes me question who I am as a writer. I am not above saying this has sent me into many, many spirals. I don't feel seen. And I think, as a writer, we are all about being seen. That's the whole point. At least it is for me.

And finally, writing something people in the general population will see as "good" is completely arbitrary, and I do know that. It varies for everyone what "good" writing is. Take for example the many rejections you'll receive from various literary journals for one piece, and then someone huge picks it up. It could be luck, I guess, in that case - but just as much so, it's all about the audience you've selected to read your work. Audience is EVERYTHING as a writer.

I'm going to end this by saying that being a writer isn't easy. It's fun, but I have to be careful to not water stuff down too much, because it takes away from my "finesse." I love when I can just pour my heart out on the page and not have to worry about someone from high school reading my work and judging me. Because as much as I want to be "seen", I don't want to be "seen", you know?

And that is the final struggle.