Bland.

I'm here with someone who's supposedly you, but everything feels off. It's blaring like a siren through my ears, but I keep trying to defer it. Is the shadow on your face that reveals that crooked grin? The smallest detail that I happened to catch, hitting me like a carefully aimed bowling ball in the biggest way.

Never understood why we always felt so distant. You're repetitive, moving away from me mid-conversation like I'm just another part of your past. A mask, the raging fire of disappointment only showing when I'm by your side.

I haven't done anything, the only variable that's changed is you. But no matter how many times I make new meals for you, all that's left for me to eat are leftovers. "Better than nothing," they said, but I'm starting to doubt that. Your eyes wander off into the distance when I know there's nothing to look at but the wall. One too many tries and your back is my new conversation partner. You're only answering to get it over with. Only smiling and laughing to catch the attention of the people behind me. Only sit with me because your friends pity me and guilt trip you.

I always thought I tried hard, but have I? Maybe all this 'effort' I've contributed to the deepening of our bond is really just a figment of my imagination. The level of this tide is so low that it's sub-par, hitting and damaging itself by the rocks that stand in its way. Scarred and repulsed, the tide's sweeping back towards the bottomless void of the ocean. And yet, returning scarred and battered with a mentality the same as before, the tide runs into the rocks, only to be smashed once more. Even though this has been endured for years in a row, only now is the salt starting to sting. The others say it's because thats how the ocean normally moves. Never allowing themselves to believe that the real cause is concealed, the moon forcing their every move like a puppet.

Watching your shoes quicken as they start to travel in the opposite direction, I think back on why this plan has crumbled to pieces. The silence feels loud. While I'm here exploring the maze you led me to, I fail to realize that I'm trapped in this complex. As I'm stuck here in this fog yet you're out in the sun with them on the other side. You came and left so quick, and you hardly know that your moves are still in my sight.

"What do you want? Why do you keep bothering me?"

Your eyes speak without you noticing. I'm not stupid- I see the way you trudge, shoulders hunched when you walk over to me, and exuberantly perk up with them seconds later. You change in a split second. Was that the wrong time to ask? Were you cranky that day? Is it me that's the problem?

I'm spicy, but not spicy enough. I'm this, I'm that, but not that enough. What are you trying to instill? Why put a curse on these intentions seeking for friendship?

Please, please don't call me bland anymore. I'm full of hidden surprises that you refuse to see. Yet I still care and put in years to our relationship. And no, this isn't jealousy. This is confusion and bewilderment, but maybe you've been sending me a message this entire time. I'll let go and naturally find a new friendship. Then, I'll pour every inch of love and effort I can into it.

Here's to a new era of change, embracing the future and letting go of the past. I know myself well enough. I can do this. I know I can. It's just going to take some time to find people I connect with really well and can build friendships with. But, that's the point, isn't it? To enjoy the journey, instead of speeding through the fast lane.