Estelle

I was suddenly attacked by a surge of blinding light. I squirmed, twisted, thrashed, and tried to do anything to get away from the light that was piercing through my closed eyelids because of the discomfort. The burning brightness slowly faded, and I sluggishly fluttered my eyelids open.

A woman was seated in a dark-brown armchair right next to me and was looking at me. Her hands were holding onto the armchairs tightly, her knuckles white. When I first looked at her, her eyes were already glistening, but now she was sobbing into her hands. The woman seemed sickly because of just how pale and slender she was. She looked almost as if she hadn't eaten in days when you glanced at her. At the doorway, there was a doctor staring who took my focus off of the crying woman beside me. She held my gaze, though I was curious, and she looked almost scared. She stayed silent, just watching me watch her, entirely ignoring the almost sobbing woman beside me.

The woman raised her head up and moved to face me with an expectant expression. She sucked air between her teeth as I continued to not speak, then reached over to touch my arm but stopped short. She spoke to me in a distorted voice as the room started to spin, originally slowly and then more and more rapidly.

"Jessica?" she asked me anxiously. Her voice was scratchy, probably from crying, I assume. I slowly shook my head, trying not to hurl anything into the immaculately folded blue sheets that were tucked neatly into the hospital bed. "It's me."

She reached out and captured my arm with her cold hand, but I wrenched my arm away. I tell her plainly, "I'm not Jessica." When I speak, the words sound rehearsed and entirely fake.

“What?”

My body felt weak, and I groaned. "I'm not the Jessica you're imagining, I assure you. I am, whoever she may be, not her."

She laughed bitterly. " Jessica, stop."  She rolled her eyes and reached out to touch me, but she quickly decided against it and withdrew her arm. " This is not a little game or prank. Stop it now, Jessica.” For some reason, I just couldn’t accept that. Couldn’t accept that I may be this Jessica that she was talking about. I don’t know why, but every fiber of my being rejected it. I was Estelle and could never be her Jessica.

I couldn't control the roar that erupted out of my mouth and echoed all through the room. " I'm not Jessica," I started shouting. I ignored the pain shooting through my ribs as I leaned dangerously close to her. "Don't call me that!" I shouted close to her face.

The woman gulped in shock at my unexpected outburst and leaned as far away from me in her chair as she possibly could. I froze in surprise as I stared at the wall.

Staring at the wall was a better idea than staring at the two women. Something in the doctor’s face almost looked proud of my outburst, though. I tried not to think about that.

She whispered to me, "What would you like for me to call you then?" I reached for a handful of my hair and was about to yank it all out of my scalp when I heard it. The voice echoed throughout my head, Estelle. It was peaceful and hypnotizing.

I answered matter-of-factly, "Estelle." The woman continued to stare at me with her piercing blue eyes and nodded while trying to mask her concern (and failing miserably).

“You may call me Kassia,” she informed me. I nodded and the doctor cleared her throat intentionally. We both looked at the woman curiously.

Kassia was motioned to follow the doctor out the doorway. Kassia threw me a brief glimpse before standing and sighing begrudgingly.

While they started talking in a lowered voice while out in the hallway, the doctor left the door open. I stayed motionless in my bed so that I wouldn't miss a single word in their conversation with a groaning sound from the mattress under me.

Kassia asked the doctor, "How long will her memory be like this? Practically gone, I mean.” I could hear the sadness creeping up in her voice.

“There's no way for us to know how long she'll have this kind of memory impairment”, the doctor remarked. “Although I know you're desperate to bring Estelle home, I ought to let you know that I will have to keep her in the rehabilitation center for a little while.

After a moment of silence, Kassia gasps. She hastily tried to reassure her, "It shouldn’t be too long."

There was a short pause, and then heard a huff of air (presumably from Kassia) and then a “fine.”

I pretended to be paying attention to the various hung-up encouraging signs in the room as Kassia and the Doctor entered the room again. Kassia once again sat down in the chair next to me.

The doctor came up and touched my forehead with the back of her hand. She suddenly began questioning me relentlessly.

“How do you feel? Warm? Cold? Are you hungry? If you want, I can fetch you some Jello.” As if in response, my stomach began to grumble. I tried my best to seem assertive as I cleared my throat.

“I would appreciate food and an explanation as to why I’m lying in a hospital bed,” I told her honestly. The doctor nodded, turned to my mother, and left the room.

I stared at Kassia incredulously. “Why did she leave?” I asked her in a raspy voice.

Kassia straightened in her seat, tugging her shirt collar down. “It’s my job to inform you, not hers.”

She fetched a blanket from her handbag and wrapped it snuggly around herself. She took a long exhale and then started to answer my one question.