Y2K and the Imminent Digital Apocalypse

Back in 1999, my sister-in-law was all about the coming crash that was coming with the changeover of computers from the 1900s to the 2000s. When computers were first developed, digital storage was expensive, so the dating scheme had just 2 digits, e.g., 59 instead of 1959. In this way 2 digits of hard disk space were saved every time a date was recorded or applied to each and every file being laid down on hard drives.

Unfortunately, when 2000 were to come, every computer in the world would think it was 1900 instead. You can only imagine the confusion for data storage, the grid, and...well...everything.

Many predicted a total meltdown of civilization. Many, including my sister-in-law, prepared Y2K rooms stocked with family needs, canned food, bottled water, etc. She was ready to survive for weeks when the rest of us would be begging to be let in, come the 2-digit limit dooming us all.

New Orleans is a place where they party for anything. There's Mardi Gras (partying for Lent), Jazz Fest, and even hurricane parties. So, it was only natural that we'd have a Y2K party when the world collapsed into ruins.

We had the TV on which covered Times Square and. although we were an hour behind, it was the NYC ball that would first ring in the New Year. We watched and drank, but I kept watching my in-law, who grew increasingly nervous as midnight on TV approached. At five minutes to, I noticed she had her car keys in hand.

"Do you think cars are gonna work?" I asked. She swallowed hard. The countdown began.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1... and —

The whole house went suddently dark. The TV snapped off. The music stopped abruptly. And my sister-in-law screamed.

What she didn't know is that I had shown my son how to crank off the entire house at the circuit breaker box in the laundry room.

Now, I'll warrant that, although this was funny, it wasn't that great a joke. And I'll warrant that it wasn't particularly clever, either. What I will say is that herein was an opportunity to pull off a joke on someone that only comes about once in a thousand years. You can only pull this off one time.

And what I'm particularly proud about is that I stepped up. It was a narrow window of cosmic opportunity, and I engaged! I delivered. For the ages. For the millennium.

And then we all starved to death when the logistics grid went dead and no food was able to make it beyond the farms and those selfish farmer sons-of-bitches.