Finding Humanity

He's my best friend. Some say he's bad, inhumane even. But they don't know him like I do.

He saved me from the streets. I was wandering, alone, beyond hunger. Just waiting to die. I ran into him, and he snarled, "Watch where you're going, idiot!" I didn't have the energy to respond. But then he saw me, saw the state I was in, and led me to his car. He didn't mention how filthy I was.

At his place I was so weak, he had to carry me inside. He helped me clean up and offered me toast and water.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'll go shopping tomorrow. You can stay as long as you want. My name is Brian."

I just smiled my thanks. I was grateful for a full belly, a warm place to stay. I curled up on the couch and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Months went by, and I became more myself, ribs no longer showing, hunger a distant memory. We'd walk to the park, and it was sheer joy to touch grass, smell fresh air. Brian took great delight in my joy.

Brian worked from home, and I didn't like what it did to him. He spent all day on the phone, using a fake happy voice. Oily. Sometimes he'd get agitated, and slam his hand on his desk. Sometimes, the call would go well and he’d buy me a gift.

One night on his couch a nightmare woke me up, whimpering. I felt his strong arms lift me up and carry me to his bed. “It’s ok,“ he whispered, “you’re safe now.” He smelled like an autumn breeze. I fell asleep, safe in his embrace.

Brian told me about his past. He'd hurt people, bullied them, preyed on their innermost fears. He'd physically hurt them too, pinch, trip, shove. He'd been mean just to get a reaction.

I didn’t offer judgement or absolution. Just listened.

He quit his job. In the middle of a call he looked at me. I looked back. He said, “Look, you need to watch out for scammers, they prey on good open-hearted people like you. You almost lost a lot of money, and you wouldn’t have gotten it back. You can’t trust everyone, ok? You have a good night too, Agnes.”

He hung up the call, relieved. His next phone call he sounded happy for real.

“Jake, it’s been a while. Do you want to come over and watch the game tonight?”

When Jake walked in, I could tell they were brothers, they even had a similar smell.

“So,“ Jake said, “This is the girl who turned your life around? The one who tamed the savage beast?”

”Yeah, she’s a good girl. The best girl.” Brian smiled radiantly at me and I nuzzled his hand.

”Have you figured out a name yet?” Jake scratched my ears. "A dog's gotta have a name."

Brian‘s voice caught in his throat. He cleared it and said, ”Her name is Hope.”