Linger

sometimes I think we ruminate on things because the loop of thought means we don’t have to forget. It’s a way to bargain with the past, so that it still exists within your present. It’s a way to protect yourself from grief, because if you’re still ruminating then there is nothing to accept. It’s why hatred comes so easy, why a question can be put on a back-shelf for years. It’s why they can never be happy together, because maybe neither of them is done accepting the happiness once lost. I, for instance, never knew how well I could hold grudges till I broke my own heart with one—over and over again. There’s a shard of ice in my heart and it hurts when I try to let the light in. But once I have, the ice will melt and all will be warm again. But not yet. Not yet.