I want more

A little poem I just made titled “I want more.” Hope someone can relate:

Time is a bus

I try my best to stand by its sign everyday but only by a hair do I catch it

Sometimes it feels like I’m missing it

There are days where I do miss it

Completely

I hate the desire to not just be on the bus, but be the bus driver

To have that aching desire

To want more

And it being so out of reach for me

I want more and I’m scared of never getting there

I’m scared of the fog that prevents me from traveling to the same place others do

I’m scared of the fog that keeps me from visiting places and events that I constantly miss out on

I’m scared of being left behind and alone. All because of the fog. All because of me.

I know comparison is the thief of joy but Lord I feel so behind. I feel like the bus is leaving without me, that all the people I love are on it, telling me to run to catch up. Because the bus slows down for no one.

No matter how much we beg. And scream. And kick. I don’t hate myself, but sometimes I do. I hate the fog. The one that keeps me complacent and passive and imprisoned in the same place. Doesn’t the fog realize that the bus is moving at full speed? That by the time I catch up to it, so much road had already been used up in the finite track of life? Of my life.

Oh my life.

I want more.

I want so much more.

But I’m only stuck on the side of the road unless I stop. God says that even a stumble is a step. So even if I have to stumble my way through life, so be it. Maybe other people are just the same as me. Maybe they also think they miss the bus. I’m sure they do.

Just remember that life is day by day. Tomorrow is not promised. The bus might run out of track at any point in time. So instead of feeling hopeless, instead of stopping, I’m going to keep running.

Keep stumbling.

KEEP GOING.

Because I want more.

And one day.

One day.

In God’s grace and power,

I’ll look around and see that none of us miss the bus. It just happens. It just is.

We are alive.

And I’ll finally feel that way.