Worth It.

Raindrops crowded the outside of his window as he laid his head against it and let out silent cries into his sleeve. He was shaking with fear—fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness, and most importantly, fear of love, or rather, of a forgotten love. His room lit up in blue, a shade all too familiar with his current emotions. However, the silence in his room wasn’t known, at least not to him. He heard the voices screaming in his head so loud that he couldn’t hear his own thoughts. He was tired, he was alone, and as far as he was concerned, she’d forgotten all about him. He’s had nightmares each week about that Friday in September.

One abrupt message was sent, and in an instant, his entire world crumbled. He’s taken back to 3rd grade, back when naive promises of eternal friendship were made, back when your best friends all agreed you'd move in together one day, back when daydreamers and optimists all gleamed and were so in belief that their promises would withstand time. Still, strangely enough, he was never one of those people. He used to shake his head when his peers at school would all genuinely believe in that ignorant thought. Being a kid who moved school a lot and being a kid who wasn’t wanted or recognized enough shaped that mentality at a young age; he never once believed that those stupid promises his peers made were ever right. Well, until six months ago, he never thought that, but she made him feel like that. She made him feel loved, like maybe he was important. She single-handedly made him feel like their friendship was strong enough to last forever, that they’d see each other grow, that they’d be there for each other, and that would be the happy ending that would have been perfect for his whole life. But all good things must come to an end eventually, right? She left. She walked out of his life like it was nothing. What once was colorful all seemed dim now. He was left alone with his thoughts and emotions, with his demons screaming at him for being so foolish and believing someone could actually love and stay with him. He used to block them out. He used to block out what he liked to call the voices of reason. They were always there in the back of his mind; they would always remind him that they would never be the exception, and now they're just hoping he finally learned his lesson.

Two months have now come and gone since her disappearance. He laughs a little now and smiles a bit more. He’s just hoping the constant pain will go away eventually, but he supposes it’s bearable for now. He used to long for "Yesterday,” back before she left, when everything was normal, back when he was happy, but yesterday never came, but now he thinks of the day before yesterday, making yesterday tomorrow. She stood as a promise of always and forever. But if forever was just tomorrow, then tomorrow, he’d love her always. So, in the end, he supposes it was worth it; the months he spent with her were worth it; he had the opportunity to love her, and if that was all he could have gotten, it was worth it. He laughs and smiles a little now. He understands the need for those stupid promises, as he now sees they are something no one can take away. All that was lost in the flames was a lesson learned, even though their interlocking bridges and storybook pages had burnt. So make stupid friends and make them promise because it’s all worth it to love someone that much. Even if it doesn’t last “forever.”