Hugs porn

Hungry, horny, tired - the usual state. Craving for caffeine, nicotine, soulful night-time conversations. Insomnia as a way of life, benzodiazepines masking an aching heart that can't bear the burden. Everything starts losing color, and an inner voice urges that in my condition, I don't need more Klonopin, but great mental strength. So I try to jerk off. Conjuring up faded figures straight from the memory bank. Thinking of me choking someone. Choking her with a hand, choking her with a cock. Hand bent behind, as per tradition. I Can't get it up. Can't fucking get it up. I feel like punching all the walls of this sad house until this bent hand can never be open again. Just a few wild thoughts and solitudes I have on this night, and I'm already tired of self-pleasure over pixelated women at laptop resolution, and I searched the web for hug porn but found none. Do people even hug in porn? I roll another cigarette. The moon at its zenith in the night sky. My pupils are the diameter of a needle. My girlfriend is sleeping now, and I'm not into her tonight. My WhatsApp fills up with filthy messages that will never come to fruition, because I have no interest in them. Meanwhile, some girl says she's not afraid to go outside to see the abundance of stars. She can go fuck herself, and if I see a falling star tonight, I'll wish for it to fall on her. Now I'm in the mood for cheap wine and anti-anxiety meds. And it's not self-destruction at all if it's because of someone. It doesn't hurt if it's numb. It's not a choice if it's a default.