Chapter Eleven
1979
Marshall Age four
The knife my Uncle Jed held went over the woman’s neck, showing where to cut with the point. The woman on the table was breathing really hard, mouth was taped shut and she was shaking real bad. I could barely see over her body when he put the knife in my hand. I was shaking and terrified and so hungry.
I hadn’t eaten in days. They wouldn't let me. Said I had to get food like Uncle Jed does and learn. Then I could eat. The handle of the knife was put into my hand, his own hands wrapping around mine so tightly. “Now, cut where I showed you and once you get her meat we can start and you can eat.” I my tears well in my eyes. I didn't want to do this but I wanted to eat so badly.
I raised the knife like he showed me, just barely able to see where I was cutting. It was hard with my hands shaking but I managed to cut through the skin, the blood flowing. I ignored the woman's sounds. Focusing on the blood dripping down and pooling on the floor. He smiled, petting my hair. “Good boy. Very good. Now it won’t be more than a few hours before you can eat.” I wanted to run upstairs and pretend like I didn't do anything, that I didn't just cut into a body but he forced me to stay and watch him work.
I watched the blood drip and drain into the bucket, I watched how he cut and skinned the lady on the table, some strips going into a burning bucket and another for cooking. Then he stripped the meaty looking muscle and gathered a few organs and it might have been the hunger but I couldn't help but be fascinated at it all and that frightened me so badly I wanted to cry. Within an hour and a half we had the meat we needed for cooking.
He talked through it all, as if he were killing and skinning a deer. He even took some of her insides out, chopping them up into smaller pieces and throwing it with the cooking bucket. The rest to be burned or buried. He handed me the two buckets for cooking. “Take these up to your mother so she can start cooking while I start cleaning.” I nodded, struggling with the weight of the buckets and trying to rush them upstairs. I could feel the blood drying on my face and cloths.
I heard my mom yelling at my Uncle Beau from behind the door. “Let me through Beau or I swear I will-”
“Will what?! Kill me? Go ahead bitch, like you would stand a chance!”
“He’s just a baby! He shouldn't be learnin this until he’s older.”
“You can’t protect him forever! Dad thinks he’s ready then he’s ready!” I knocked on the door best I could with the two buckets. I could feel tears steadily falling. I was so scared but so hungry and desperate. The door was opened quickly to see my Uncle Beau and mom. My mom pushed him out of the way, dragging me into the living room.
“Oh God what has he done? Look at you. There’s blood all over you.” My uncle Beau took the buckets with a grunt as my mother hugged me close, wiping away my tears. “Oh God baby I’m sorry!" She was crying against me, holding me so close. I didn't feel like crying. I was so hungry.
I was no longer shaking from fear. I looked at my mom, frowning. “Why are you crying? Uncle Jed was nice.” She just looked at me, crying harder, holding me so close. After she calmed and wiped her eyes she walked away to the kitchen, telling me to be a good boy while she cooked. Once it was quiet I could hear humming from the basement. I walked closer, leaning into the open door. Then I heard it.
“Somewhere over the rainbow...skies are blue...” I didn't know what song it was. It sounded like it might have been a pretty song. My stomach was hurting so bad that I nearly fell down the stairs. I caught myself on the frame then turning to walk to the couch to lie down and hoping the ache goes away. I crawled onto the couch, avoiding any springs that were sticking out and curled around my stomach. I just wanted to feel better. I just wanted to eat. It hurt so badly.
I jerked awake, my Uncle Beau glaring down at me. “Food’s done you little shit. Get in the kitchen.” I nodded before getting off the couch and rushing to the kitchen where I could smell the food we just sliced up. I quickly went to my mom who was getting plates together with the mixture of meat and slop. She gave me a sad smile, knowing I hadn’t eaten in days. She gave me the plate. “Here you go sweetie.” I nearly grabbed the plate out of her hand, going to the table where the silverware was.
I got the fork and quickly started eating. My mom rushed over, lowering my fork. “Baby, not so fast. You'll make yourself sick. Slow down, alright?” I nodded, swallowing the food that was in my mouth.
I was so happy to eat, the ache in my tummy turning to being full. Once dinner was done I helped my mom clean up and put the uncooked meat in bags to put in the fridge or freezer. Suddenly Uncle Beau shouted from the living room. “Bitch! Your guy is here again! Fuckin whore.” She swallowed, before ruffling my hair. “Go to your room and play with the toys I got you baby. I’ll be up to tuck you in.” I nodded, going upstairs as she went to the front door, walking outside.
I rushed upstairs, looking out the window, watching them.
The guy seemed annoyed but had some kind of large paper bag. He looked like the police I’ve been told about by Uncle Jed. My mom seemed happy but didn't like taking the bag. What was in it? Who was he? Why was he able to make my mom so happy but so sad. He kissed her before turning and leaving. I wanted to run down to my mom and ask her who it was but I didn't want to make her sad.
She almost never smiles so I didn't want to take that away. She walked inside the house. She and Uncle Beau arguing again but I heard footsteps coming upstairs, the wooden stairs creaking. I rushed to my toys, taking them out. I didn't want to get in trouble for not doing what I was told.
I was playing with them when she came in. “Baby, look what fairy godmother got you.” She knelled next to me, showing me the various contents of the bag. Some bottles with nice smelling soaps and lotions and medicines. A few more toys and a few books.
She stood up, holding her hand out. “Com’on baby. I’ll read you a story.” She got out a book. It was a white book with a black creature on it. She leaned against the wall while on my bed. I snuggled close, listening to her speak so nicely. “Where the sidewalk ends...” She read me almost the entire book. I was sleepy from dinner. I just wanted to stay snuggled so close to my mom and fall asleep there in her comfort and warmth.