Chiaroscuro

 This is my 3rd Dark Night of The Soul. It's different this round because I recognize what's happening. It's molting season. Burning skin, itchy and tight; penance for the times I've taken beautiful things, wrapping them in my coil until the spark went out. Too often I've failed to recognize this beauty before the corpse of possibility lies cold, buried in the basement. Fear makes fools. Alas, I take heart knowing that, through the shadows and reanimated bodies, there's a promise of lusterous new scales if I am brave enough to see where I must change.

For those seeking Truth we are given these opportunities, through trial and pain, to question our belief systems, fine-tune our behaviors and shed the layers of imprinting that congest our authenticity and connection to others. These others being a crucial point because we are truly all connected and what we do to others we ultimately do to ourselves. The Golden Rule is not some arbitrary law but rather a down to the bone wisdom holding a resonance for anyone who can hear their heart whispering. Yet so many of us navigate this world wearing the armor of belief that we are somehow separate and our choices reflect this. Is this what some call sin? At the very least, I suspect it's a key factor in society being a fucking dumpster fire. 

My first Dark Night showed me how strong I am. My second, helped me find my boundaries. Now, as I write this I'm beginning to understand the gift of Free Will. As the allegory goes, the fall from grace in The Garden was the knowledge of good and evil. I wonder, is responsible use of Free Will the way back to grace?  What feels like a crossroad is more accurately a spiritual ultimatum where I must consciously and consistently make my choice between what is right and what is wrong. One path leads to harmony, the other, certain destruction. There is no grey area for this Grey Jedi. Sure, I'll screw up but as I do I will correct myself as each moment holds a new choice to do better and in consequence, be better.

As playtime with my shadow sways into the 11th hour, I think about what it means to integrate this part of myself; she who rages at the world, distrustful of everything including herself. I can't blame her. I know what she's been through. And I appreciate her for the times where her crude antics and general contempt kept me protected. I just don't need that kind of help anymore; not even on the minute scale where I've been entertaining her. While my eyes adjust to the light, I begin to absorb my Dark Twin, leaving nothing but the teeth; serving as something sharp to remind me of what I've swallowed and a tool for her to chew her way out should I lose my way and need another walk in dark.