Darkness

My therapist said I was younger than four,

When I learned that I would never be enough,

That years went by inside my brain,

And made me older than I was.

I don't remember most of that time,

Only after I was six,

And I started to write.

When I was seven I decided,

That I could be just enough,

If I gained not a pound more,

And stayed skinny and short.

When I was nine I learned,

That boys and girls are different,

They pushed me away,

And called me names,

Because of my gender.

When I was ten my mom told me,

She expected more of me than my brother,

The fifteen year old boy,

Who no one saw struggling.

I thought I had to be an adult.

When I was eleven I learned,

What it means to be betrayed,

To lose all of your friends,

Because of a popularity status you can't change.

When I was twelve I was stuck,

Listening to a boy,

Tell me about my body,

Like I was nothing but a pretty toy.

When I was thirteen I decided,

The world was better off alone,

And I wasn't needed anymore,

To drown in my sorrows.

At fourteen I learned,

That she had always known,

The woman I trusted with my life,

Had been the one to leave me drown.

At fifteen I've decided,

I don't care any more,

There's nothing worse in this world,

Besides physical torture.

So when she gripes and she yells,

About how my face never changes,

I hold myself back from explaining,

That she's the one that did this.