Bittersweet Nothing
Incubation tomb,
Wormhole to the womb,
Out into the skewed scatter
Of a million unknown days,
And spat out like Jonah
From soporific embryonic seas
That once lulled me into a slipstream sleep,
That entrenched its world,
Fathoms deep.
My febrile seedlings are rage ready for feeding
And I am now the starring role
In now here nowhere.
Day one.
They crudely clamp my cherry flesh
With feral precision,
And the mothership of mother
Lays unaware in her morphine drip cocoon,
Now but a rag doll frame
Of cracked and poked contour clay
And a jumbled jungle of sinewy limbs
Hung up into a submissive V,
While the defiant airs of the doctors
Cloud good will
With cloying empty gestures
That sickens God Himself.
And maybe my pinpoint eyes
Saw the monster behind the curtain
And wanted to scramble back
Into Eden’s haven,
But mother lays near death
With her veins a bullet train wreck
Of razor ribbon origami nightmares
As the overlapping overload
And analog readouts
Scream haunted transmissions
Of bad tidings
And numerical harum scarum.
The nurses are angels
Bathed in day glow white,
And dance with tribal drumfire,
While the rattle of my tinny roar
Is but a most lonesome whimpering bid
To return to God
That pulses through glass
And weakly shakes the earth
With its feeble revolution
And murmuring protest.
I am now a flightless bird
That only knows,
That the humming artificial sun
On the chalk white ceiling
Can never warm my numb bones
Nor settle the collapsed composition
Of afterbirth aftershocks,
And the fragmented grunt
Becomes undone;
And all of this,
On just day one.
I already know this place is dead.
Mother’s bed was hallowed
And God spoke like muffled thunder
Through the pale pink walls.
I cry.
My cup of tears runneth over.
I am coma eyed with silver slash vision.
I am undreamed dreams that I dreamt I dreamed.
I am welcomed to the dark ironies
And colliding planes
Of moon and sky and sun.
It is day one.
My cup of tears runneth over.
God,
Hold my hand,
As we walk through this wonderful wasteland,
Of bittersweet nothing.