take a break

“I need a day where I can just do nothing,” I say to my lab partner. We’ve been working nonstop on this research for months, and we could use a break.

But we both know that we wouldn’t actually use a day off to do nothing. I need a day to do all of the things that go into being a functioning human. I’ve been eating out for every meal, my apartment is a mess, I can’t remember the last time I hung out with friends.

Nothing has been defined by some philosophers as “the absence of something.” I’m trying to imagine what my life would look like in the absence of my lab. What would I do?

On day one, I would sleep until noon. I would stay in bed and scroll through Pinterest, saving beautiful pictures and delicious recipes. I would drive to my local coffee shop, wearing an outfit that definitely does not follow the lab safety rules, and order a sugary drink and a pastry. While enjoying my food, I would sit there and read a good book. It would be a fiction book, for once, not some biochemistry journal. My laptop would be closed for the entire day. When I felt ready, I would go back home, order a pizza, and make myself a bubble bath and a glass of wine, then watch mindless tv shows until I fell asleep.

On day two, I would return to Pinterest. I would open all of the recipes I’ve saved, buy their ingredients, and cook myself a meal. A good meal. Not a fast food meal, or one from the university faculty cafeteria. After I would wash my dishes, wash the sink, wash the kitchen counter. I would finally live in a clean space.

By the end of week one, I would have started a few artistic hobbies, maybe painting or writing poetry. I would be spending more time outside, going on walks and listening to music. Maybe I would have plans with my friends.

By the end of month one, I would have traveled to new places. I’ve seen corners of the world I never had the time to visit. I would need a companion for this, so I probably adopted a pet.

By the end of year one, I would have allowed myself to actually feel my emotions. I allow my brain to go into deep thought. I wonder about how things work, why things work. I have regained my interest in learning. There’s so much to know! So much to figure out!

One year and one day into the absence of responsibilities, I will find myself back in a lab, trying to uncover the secrets of the world.