First Day: That’s All Folks!

HR Manager During New Employee Orientation: Welcome to ACME Incorporated's state of the art factory! You should feel proud to work here because ACME is the exclusive supplier of coyotes, roosters that sound like Kentucky Colonels, hunters with speech impediments, narcissistic ducks, and two foot tall red haired bandits everywhere! It's a great place to work! Oh, now don't listen to the rumors about employee turnover. We value our employees at ACME and consider each of you as more than workers, we consider you family!

Let me assure you that the quality control workers at ACME are the foundation of the company and we pay you accordingly! What other employer offers its employees 100 paid days off, a company car, clothing allowance, and free chef currated meals and $10,000 an hour? Now, I can take a question or two from the new hires.

Cartoon Mouse: Do you offer health insurance?

HR Manager (sweating): No, but the pay alone makes health insurance a small consideration!

Cartoon Cat: I really like the life insurance policy, I mean $10,000,000 for accidental death or dismemberment, that's amazing.

HR Manager (with a smile): I told you that ACME takes care of it's workers.

Cartoon Cat: That's great, but when I went to fill in the spot for beneficiary, ACME Incorporated was already there.

HR Manager (taking the cat's life insurance application): Now, I thought those monkeys in clerical fixed this typo! I'm gonna get this fixed as soon as we're done here! Now, does anyone else have any questions?

Cartoon Dog: Yeah, the job discription's a bit vague. Exactly what'll we be doin' here at ACME?

HR Manager: GREAT QUESTION! Your job here is to test our products as they come off the assembly line to make sure that they work as designed and it doesn't take any special training. The process is simple. To test each finished item all ya gotta do is just tap each product on the detina.....er.......top with a wee hammer as it comes off the assembly line and answer one question on the form attached to your clipboard. Does it explode?