I don’t know if I can try again

They always leave

I start the same way every time

they become my new obsession

I tell them everything

It feels right

maybe they can stay this time

All of us, together, we spill everything

they become the people I can lean on

and for once I have people

they know

almost

everything

but no one can know everything about me

It depends on the group but as soon as I reveal too much about myself

They freak out

or we ‘grow apart’

Time after time

Constant, a vicious cycle

and at this point, so many failed

and I realize no one wants to know the real me

everytime the mask drops

so do they.

I don’t know if I want to try again

no, I dont know if I can try again

how much am I asked to go through

Afterall no mask can stay up forever

is it worth more to be accepted in a mask

and I dont mean any of that kindergarten bullshit

’no be yourself’

But what if myself isn’t good enough

I’ve learned too much I shouldnt

then I see them on the street

and we‘re strangers

thats what happens everytime

because i love having people

to talk to

to lean on

and.It’s so hard to be alone

but is it even worth it

can I try again

I need an answer

so many

and I have new people

but how long will it last

they do not worry, for they will never be ditched

In all the world there is not one person who would choose me first

ive accepted this but it hurts

What are my options

the mask is slipping

but i am becoming the mask

my face becomes more twisted, angry each time

but for now they can believe it

the ‘funny one’

I hate being the funny one

the funny one is always the worst one

the funny one is the ones whos eyes hold insecurity and imposter syndrome

the one who grew up to fast

I dont think I’m ready to try again