Account Past Due
Dear Mr. Henderson,
Thank you for your letter of concern over your bill. Yes, I understand the balance is sizable, but your case was not only an emergency but complex, too. I had to address the serious infection involving several nerve roots of several teeth in both your mandible and maxilla. This required powerful antibiotic therapy, which had to be switched to others when resistance developed. As you know, third-generation antibiotics tend to be very expensive.
After the infectious crisis was resolved--thankfully before sepsis developed--a series of extractions were completed that were needed upon first presentation. Because you lost a lot of bone, hip grafts to your maxilla were necessary. After that, detailed impressions had to be made and, because continued debriding was necessary, these impressions were made serially.
Then, restoration involved titanium implants with porcelain-rare Earth amalgam shells to match what you had before your troubles began.
Yes, your balance is large, but we'd appreciate it if you settled it as soon as possible. We appreciate that you're a celebrity of some stature, acting in several major motion pictures a year; thus, we know how important your presentation must be.
You will not find a better cosmetic result, given the difficulties and challenges. You will agree that any "closeup" in any pivotal Oscar-chatter scene will have your audience spellbound because of my work. When you accept your Oscar and are thanking the "little people" who made it all possible, don't feel you have to thank me, though. Just go ahead and pay the $162.83 bill, please. (Not an unreasonable price for all I did!)
I know your mouth and teeth are important:
--for your work
--to present your stunning physical persona
--to ensure your trademark mesmerizing smile
Oh, and...
Did I happen to mention you EAT with them?
You eat with them! You have to eat, don't you? That's not just an aside or an also-considered aspect. You don't eat, you die. Asshole.
Sincerely,
Your reconstructive oral surgeon