Dove

Charlie Meadows has a penis but she's not a boy.

If you ask her, Charlie will tell you she's always been a girl. Charlie thinks like a girl. Behaves like a girl. And would dress like a girl all the time - if she could. If only Charlie's parents weren't so... inconsistent.

It's morning. Charlie comes downstairs for breakfast wearing a navy-blue cardigan over a white blouse, a pink corduroy skirt, white ankle-socks and pink Nikes. Her shoulder-length blonde hair is parted in the middle and tied in twinned braids with white ribbons.

Charlie's dad looks up from his plate of steak and eggs, sunny side up, and says, 'You're not going to school like that.'

'Please,' begs Charlie. 'Just this one time? It's dress-up day.'

'We talked about this, remember? What you can wear inside and what you can wear outside. Girl clothes are only for inside.'

Charlie's mum pours herself a glass of orange juice - spilling it on the faux-wood linoleum. 'What's your teacher going to think?'

'For Christ's sake, Carol, watch what you're doing!'

'Don't yell at me, Geoffrey!'

'Can't you do anything right?'

Charlie's mum takes a bottle of vodka out of the refrigerator freezer and tops up her glass. 'Don't think I don't know what you're doing.'

Charlie's dad gets up from the table. 'What do you mean?'

'I'm just saying...'

'What is it you think I'm doing, Carol?'

'You shouldn't encourage him. That's all.'

'Who gave him goddamn dolls to play with?'

Charlie sees her chance and makes a run for the front door. Her mum and dad are yelling now. Charlie blames herself. Charlie's parents blame each other.

'I was never like that when I was a boy!'

'Well you're not much of a man!'

At school, Charlie's teacher sends her to the principal's office. The principal sends Charlie to the school counsellor. There's a pack of Camels in Mister Edward's shirt pocket. He smells of cigarette smoke.

'Can you tell me why, Charlie? What was it you were you hoping to prove?'

Charlie has tried smoking; it made her throw up.

'Is there something else? Something you feel you can't talk about?'

Charlie shakes her head. 'No.'

'Why are you dressed as a girl?'

'I am a girl.'

'Do you dress like that at home?'

'You shouldn't smoke.'

'When you say you're a girl...'

'I am a girl.'

'Is it something you like to do?'

'What do you mean?'

'Some people like to pretend.'

'It's not pretending.'

'Do you dream?'

'Everybody dreams.'

'Can you remember yours?'

'They're mostly about doves.'

'Are you a dove, Charlie?'

'I'm a pigeon. I crap on everything.'

It's recess. Charlie is being ignored. Charlie's teacher, Miss Bronski, offers to drive Charlie home.

'My parents are at work,' says Charlie.

'Is there someone who can stay with you?'

'It's okay. I have a key. And there's Ronnie.'

'Ronnie?'

'Veronica. Our neighbour. She's old but she's nice.'

'You could change your clothes. Come back to school.'

'I don't think so.'

'I'll wait for you.'

'No, thank you, Miss. I'll be okay. I'm not a child.'

'You're eleven, Charlie. I'll wait for you. Come on.'

At four minutes past five in the afternoon, Charlie's phone rings.

'Hi, Rory.'

'Hi, Charlie. Where are you?'

'Home.'

'I think you're really brave.'

'Why didn't you talk to me at school today?'

'I wanted to, Charlie, I really did. But the others, you know?'

'Bye, Rory.'

'I wish I was brave like you.'

'Bye, Rory.'

'Will I see you tomorrow?'

Charlie disconnects.

It's ten minutes to eight. Charlie's mum is still not home. Charlie's dad comes into the kitchen through the connecting door from the garage.

'No Mum? She must've had to work late. Go and have your bath, Charlie. I'll order us some Thai food.'

Charlie turns to go upstairs.

'And Charlie? No pyjamas. You can wear something of Mum's. You know what I like.'

'Yes, Daddy.'

'That's my girl.'