Sais Inside

I feel something,

Feels like something is eating me from my inside

:

There is the longest part of the sword instead of the esophagus.

When I try to swallow my own saliva they get stuck in there and make it sharper and slipping just to rip my mucous membrane.

Sword handle stuck on my cardia.

I cannot digest things in my intestine that are screaming in gluttony.

I want to forget these feelings;

I want to get throught this trauma

But how much I try,

For how long I try,

The result is the same.

The Sais stuck in my stomach.

The incidents of humans seem so interesting to watch

But I am always running away to be apart from their business,

Just watching them and not getting into the trouble.

I am trying my best for not to pull much attention,

I am doing my best to not overdose my attitudes or feel relieved more than enough;

I am doing my best for not to hate or love anybody, for not to trust anyone or being over-cautious against anything.

Put a burden as a decoration on this "desperado me" because this is never enough.

Always the trial of catching the golden mid to be eaten well, to be appreciated by the others.

The sweat of getting the love or the affection smells like a waste of time sometimes but I can't put an ending line for this addiction of mine,

My otaku self took over my mind.

Cannot make fun of others,

Can just watch them from a far;

Cannot laugh until they let me,

Can just show a phony giggle if it's the time;

Cannot fill myself with the joy yet,

Unless they let themselves to see the smily teeth on my face;

Cannot cry because of any of the agony I get or carry already,

Unless they let me be poured on them under their scapulars;

Unable to break the borders,

Unlike them when they are drunk in their casuals;

Unable to speak more than a word,

Unlike they force themselves for the messy letters to leak over their teeth to rush towards the trachea or the out in a blasting speed.

The Sais stuck in my stomach.

Stab it deeper and deeper until you get enough with it.

The Sais has taken a seat inside me.

Push it further for the outburst of blood from the lesion.

I feel like the pain is increasing sometimes but calms down and satisfies by itself after some time passes but still

The Sais stuck in my stomach.

I feel like smelling the stink corpse.

The dining table is full of dishes and candle lights and rotten fleshes.

I was trembling on the plate because of the fear of being in pieces by someone's silver knife by the fake illumination coming from the fire.

Elite class and a lot of important ones..

They are going to benefit from the "uselesses" or the manifestations of uselessness.

I am still trying my best to please them but not to praise them too much to block their arrogance overdose.

I am still doing my best to not pull much of their sharp gazes towards me with the salivas on their mouths as demonstration of their greed.

I am doing anything to be dead inside them with the least agony.

Cannot put off the flames,

Can just watch them burning me till they order stop;

Cannot put on my clothes,

Can just let them having fun of watching my naked features;

Cannot eat with them,

Unless they let me eat their thrashes left from the food that they have eaten;

Cannot abondon the table,

Unless they only leave my bone inside me;

Unable to be a rot in garbage bin,

Unlike them being in wherever they want to;

Unable to get rid of their humiliating speech,

Unlike them shutting anyone as they wish when or where.

The Sais stuck in my stomach.

Trigger the sharpness till it becomes broken.

The Sais stuck in my stomach.

Pump out the whole blood to the outside of my organization.

I feel like it gets longer by using the ferrum inside my cells but it shortens when it is wore out by the friction migration but it does not change the fact:

The Sais stuck in my stomach.

I feel something different

:

Now the sword has started to come out of my mouth.

The handle blocks my rectum this time.

The biological waste escapes from my ripped umbilical cord.

I am trying to digest these unfair facts with my ripped cords and bad-way polished hopes.

Sais stuck in my stomach.

It can splash out all sudden if it is pushed harder.

Sais stuck in my stomach.

It can make my body pour the whole blood if it is pumped too much.

Mirages of faults and dislikes..

Living the nomad to have a new place far from the emotions and self-belongings..

Yearning the future lives such I lived them already but the fact is that they had just decided and told me that way.

The sword sounds, the metal and sweat stink-harmony;

The undying ones on the trial of the entrecôte just like piranhas,

Fake love-life and situationships for the short pleasure or the exit-way by the lie,

Uncovered, undyed masks in "horry",

"Shoot me cause I am hated by life" written on the sign plates...

Everyone is keeping the sharp longing and the sword in themselves,

Falsing their truths and their aims for the life just to rush towards the death faster because of the boredom of the monotonity and lack of motivation or hope for the change.

Desperate and lonely it gets more and gets an unsaveable size just like the Sais.

Keeping them longer and longer.

Sais stuck in our stomach,

Waiting to be out

But it comes out only when we really want to,

When we really get bored of melancholy,

When we really do stop putting on airs with our depressions,

When we imagine that:

The Sais out of the body,

The eternal bliss and relief.