“May I Speak With Your Supervisor, Please?”
He didn't like the priest's penance given him.
"Can I speak to your supervisor?"
He waited. A man in a purple cap excused the priest, opening the sliding window.
"Hello, I am Bishop Cranston."
"Bless me. It's been 24 years since my last confession."
"You found Father Killough's penance unacceptable?"
"Yes. I didn't really sin. I wanted spiritual guidance for losing faith in the institutions of Catholicism. I've got no problem with Christianity, itself."
"No faith in, say, the Mysteries--like, the virgin birth of Christ?"
"Yea, that stuff. I mean, Christ's way shouldn't rely on these legends." He seemed offended.
"Double Fr. Killough's penance."
"I want your supervisor then."
A cleric wearing a red hat replaced the bishop, sliding open the window.
"Peace be with you. I'm Cardinal Taylor. I understand you're both unhappy and unforgiven."
"Yes, Your Eminence. I'm losing my blind belief in lots of things. It seems like we're forced, under pain of mortal sin, to believe in magic."
"Miracles, right?"
"Magic. Voodoo. Like holy water. The incense thing you swing. Blessings. Transubstantiation."
"Triple Father Killough's penance!"
"Your supervisor, please." Someone wearing a white cap entered.
"Your Holiness--didn't expect you!"
"Yet, I'm here--for my flock when they need me. I'm Pope Francis."
"I know who you are. Maybe I can get to the source of the problem. Can't I just follow Christ's way?"
"Nothing wrong with that," he said.
"Oh, thank God."
"You're only 2 levels away from doing just that. Ha ha."
"Ha ha. So I won't go to Hell if I don't believe Jesus cured lepers?"
"Oh," the Pope said. "That might be problematic."
"Is there even a Hell?"
"Maybe. For you."
"Your supervisor, please."
That's when Jesus Christ, Himself, came in.
"Now I'll get a straight answer. Jesus?"
"Yes."
"Your church. A lotta tangential things have been added. By men. Yet, the punishments are divine. Man-made rules--with divine consequences. Were those zealots from the Dark ages even qualified to do that? Can't I just follow your way?"
"Nothing wrong with that."
"So I'm good?"
Jesus paused.
"Why don't you just be a sport and say the three crummy Hail Mary's and let it go? I mean, would it kill you?"