A CONSPIRACY OF PRICKS: an Epic Poem of Puerile Skulduggery
An industrial-strength thumbtack surprise
Rises a full inch above its thumb-press head
On a chair seat of such nefarious devise–
A lark for brat pricks who planned it ahead
Perched on the waiting seat promises fruition
Of pointed, conspiracies of schemes half-baked
Scheduled to impale her in its commission
In tandem with vengeance for vengeance's sake
Always unlovely, scowling consanguineous
A sad children's day for those placed in her charge
A Nazi babysitterin demands obedience
To the older sister reigning cruelly at large
"Go to your room!" "No snacks for you!" Stand in the corner!"
They'd give her good reason to bark those mistakes
With ne'er a thought to regret it or to warn her
For preemptively setting the point they would make
The fascist commands only spurred them onward
To set up the camera for documentation
Of her tumultuous start once suddenly tortured
When a 1-inch thumbtack invites sedimentation
The laws of physics co-conspired with them, 'gainst her
T'would be gravity that'd bring her fat ass straight down
And dermal elasticity would fail and condemn her
A violent end defining a fat person's renown
Captured forever for sibling posterity
It would go viral when posted surreptitiously
From her own laptop to the world in perpetuity
Drawing down her bitrate and reputation suspiciously
The spear awaiting her bulbosity looms large
"They're all in bed, the urchins, en mass,"
She cooed as she began to moor downward her barge
With the big red X on her big widespread ass
She lowered herself, eased down to the seat
Where disaster lay wait to ceremoniously skewer her
Video was rolling in broadcast conceit
And tyrannized children readied to stream it to viewers
The ass met the tack like the rubber hits the road
Therefrom was issued a sound like none ever heard
A scream of agony like the blubber meets commode
An uncensored broadcast of four-letter words
Bolting upright, the tack still impaled
She heard the snickers of the imps under the bed
Sisterly love and responsible wardship failed
But the worm can had been opened, the TikTok feed fed
Last straws come singly, insidiously one-by-one
And this one broke the ass of a camel homicidal
It's never a good idea to piss off Nazis undone
They cross too many lines and wax fratricidal
The li'l bastids got their due and due'ly met their fate
With consequences considered ferociously wild
Babysitterin applied the weights to the crate
Now tacks deductions are filed for only an only child
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Meant for @LAST 's "Thumbtack" Challenge (https://www.theprose.com/challenge/14627), but it was over a hundred words. Truncated <100-word version at the challenge.