I Dig And I Dig And I Dig...

If I dig too hard, I fear that Madness lies on the other side.

Yet, here I stand, shovel in hand, poking at the dirt, inch by inch, as the hole begins to form.

In it lie the traumas past and present, the pain, the fear of what is known and unknown, yet I dig and I dig and I dig, unable to stop.

I dig at the tears, I dig at the fears, I dig at the excruciating pain of a life lived and not lived.

Love found, love lost, a family united, a family divided...

A child turned woman before her time, a child turned parent to a brother by the age of nine.

An ache, but I dig, and I dig, and I dig.

Years gone by, years never knowing love, touch, or a life that belonged solely to me.

Stuck in limbo. A meaningless existence.

Chest tightens. Air becomes thin, but I take the shovel and shove it harder into the dirt.

I keep digging for madness has not found me yet.

A future uncertain, a present in question.

No paths laid before me, darkness seeping in, voices getting louder.

I stare at the hole as it reaches the depths of an abyss.

Panic seeps in as anxiety joins. Sadness overtakes me like a wave in the vast ocean.

Anger building like lava in an active volcano.

Why! I scream into the hole with no response.

Why!! I scream louder, as I slam the shovel into the dirt and it disappears into the hole in silence.

Why,Why,WHY? I repeat like a mad woman who knows the answer, but is too afraid to confront it.

Sobs fill the air, exhaustion seeps in.

I'm so tired.

Madness stands across me, taunting me.

She holds a mirror to my face, showing me all that I am and all I could have been.

A dark smile painted across her face.

Hollow eyes pierce my own with a look determined to break me.

She desires my mind, my soul, my very being.

She brushes my hair from my face, an eerily hypnotizing touch.

She speaks no words, yet she tempts me with her presence.

She guides me to the hole, words unspoken yet everything said.

My foot brushes across the dirt, as close to the edge as possible.

I look down into the darkness as Madness gestures me with her hand with a stubborn confidence.

I could give in. I could let it all go.

Madness watches me, her smile never leaving her face.

I nod. I take her hand, ready to end it all.

She squeezes my hand reassuringly, but before she can act, I drag her hand towards the hole and let go.

I look as Madness fades into the blackness of the hole, her smile still drawn, not a single quiver not even a flinch.

I stay standing watching until the very last moment.

I gather dirt in my hand and toss it into the hole.

Madness found me, but it could not become me.