Ollies and Absurdities: The Sweet, Strange Saga of Kick and Flip

In the quaint, overlooked city of Peculiaria, nestled somewhere between Normalville and Bizarreburg, lived two skate punks whose lives were about to take a turn for the absurd. Meet Kick McTrick and Flip VanGrind, best friends since their first wipeout at the tender age of seven.

Kick, with her purple mohawk and ever-present lollipop, was sponsored by SugarShred Boards, a company that specialized in skateboards made from compressed candy. Flip, sporting a green liberty spike and a permanent Pixie Stick mustache, had recently landed a deal with Literate Laces, a shoelace company targeting the niche market of well-read rebels.

On this particular day, Kick and Flip were attempting to perfect their latest trick: the "Metaphysical Melancholy Melon." It involved performing a melon grab while reciting lines from Albert Camus' "The Myth of Sisyphus." So far, they'd only succeeded in confusing onlookers and giving themselves existential vertigo.

"One must imagine Sisyphus happy!" Kick shouted as she launched off the half-pipe, her SugarShred board leaving a trail of cotton candy in its wake.

"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart!" Flip responded, attempting to catch a handful of the airborne cotton candy with his tongue while executing a perfect fakie.

As they collapsed in a heap at the bottom of the ramp, surrounded by a small crowd of bewildered spectators, Kick turned to Flip with a candy-coated grin. "Dude, we're totally gonna nail this for the next Literate Laces commercial."

Flip nodded, fishing a squashed Snickers bar from his pocket. "Totally. Nothing sells shoelaces like the absurdity of human existence, bro."

As they sat there, munching on their respective sweets and contemplating the meaninglessness of it all (or at least, the meaninglessness of their latest wipeout), a strange sound caught their attention. It was a sort of melodic gurgle, like a songbird gargling mouthwash.

"You hear that?" Kick asked, her lollipop nearly falling from her mouth.

Flip nodded, his eyes wide. "Yeah, it's like... beautiful and gross at the same time."

Intrigued, they followed the sound, their skateboards tucked under their arms. It led them down a series of increasingly narrow and whimsical alleyways, past buildings that seemed to defy the laws of physics and common sense alike.

Finally, they emerged into a tiny courtyard, hidden away from the rest of Peculiaria. In the center stood a fountain, but instead of water, it spouted a rainbow of liquefied candy. And there, paddling happily in the sugary pool, was the source of the melodic gurgling.

"Woah," Kick and Flip breathed in unison.

The creature looked like what might happen if a platypus, a unicorn, and a disco ball had a baby. Its fur shimmered with all the colors of the rainbow, changing hues as it moved. It had a duck-like bill, but instead of being flat, it was shaped like a trumpet. A single, spiral horn protruded from its forehead, glowing softly like a lava lamp.

"What is it?" Flip asked, his voice a mixture of awe and confusion.

Kick shrugged, unwrapping another lollipop. "No idea, but it's rad as hell."

The creature noticed them and let out another melodic gurgle. Then, to their amazement, it spoke. "Greetings, seekers of the absurd and consumers of confections!" its voice sounded like Morgan Freeman gargling honey. "I am a Candycorn, the last of my kind, and guardian of the Sweet Surrealist Treasure of Peculiaria."

Kick and Flip exchanged glances. This was weird, even for them.

"Uh, cool," Flip managed. "I'm Flip, and this is Kick. We were just, you know, skating and quoting Camus."

The Candycorn's eyes lit up (literally, like two disco balls). "Ah, Camus! 'In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.'"

Kick's jaw dropped, her lollipop falling into the candy fountain. "Dude, you know Camus?"

"Of course!" the Candycorn chortled. "I am versed in all manner of absurdist literature. It is the key to unlocking the Sweet Surrealist Treasure, after all."

Kick and Flip looked at each other, twin grins spreading across their faces. This was going to be awesome.

For the next few hours, the unlikely trio engaged in a back-and-forth of absurdist quotes. Kick and Flip, drawing on their extensive practice for their sponsorship deals, held their own against the Candycorn's vast knowledge.

"Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing!" Flip declared, attempting to do a handstand on his board.

"To define is to limit!" Kick countered, spinning her wheels thoughtfully.

The Candycorn, clearly enjoying itself, bounced excitedly in its candy pool. "The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth!"

As the sun began to set, painting the sky in swirls of cotton candy pink and bubblegum blue, the Candycorn let out a satisfied belch that sounded like a jazz trumpet solo.

"Well done, my absurdist acolytes!" it proclaimed. "You have proven yourselves worthy of the Sweet Surrealist Treasure. Behold!"

With a flourish of its glowing horn, the Candycorn caused the fountain to transform. The liquid candy swirled faster and faster, forming a whirlpool of sweetness. From the center rose a massive, glittering object.

It was a skateboard. But not just any skateboard. Its deck was made of solid gold, encrusted with diamonds, rubies, and emeralds. The wheels were pure platinum, spinning soundlessly. And etched into the bottom of the deck, in flowing script, were quotes from various absurdist authors.

Kick and Flip stared, slack-jawed.

"This," the Candycorn announced proudly, "is the Board of Absurdity. It is said that those who ride it will achieve perfect harmony between the physical world and the realm of abstract thought. Also, it's worth like, a bazillion dollars."

Kick turned to Flip, her eyes sparkling brighter than the bejeweled board. "Dude. We're rich."

Flip nodded slowly, still in shock. "Yeah, but... what do we do with it? I mean, we can't exactly shred on a solid gold board, can we?"

The Candycorn chuckled. "Ah, but that's the beauty of absurdism, my young friends. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why not both? Why not neither? Why not something entirely different that we haven't even conceived of yet?"

Kick and Flip looked at each other, then back at the Candycorn. Slowly, matching grins spread across their faces.

"Dude," Kick said, "I think we just found our new best friend."

And so began the strangest chapter yet in the lives of Kick McTrick and Flip VanGrind. They didn't sell the Board of Absurdity, but they didn't skate on it either. Instead, they took turns wearing it as a hat while reciting Kafka.

The Candycorn, whom they nicknamed Gurgle, became their constant companion and unofficial manager. It negotiated new sponsorship deals for them with companies that didn't exist and organized skate competitions where the winners were determined by how illogically they could argue that they'd lost.

SugarShred Boards and Literate Laces saw their sales skyrocket as Kick and Flip's fame grew. Soon, skate punks all over the world were attempting tricks like the "Existential Ollie" and the "Nihilist Nollie," all while quoting Sartre and snacking on gummy worms.

Peculiaria, once a forgotten speck on the map, became a mecca for philosophical skaters and confused tourists alike. The mayor, recognizing a good thing when she saw it, officially changed the town motto to "Skate, Therefore You Aren't."

As for Kick and Flip, they continued to chase the perfect trick and the perfectly absurd quote. They may not have found conventional riches, but they'd discovered something far more valuable: a life that embraced the absurd, celebrated the strange, and always, always had room for one more piece of candy.

And on quiet nights, when the skate park was empty and the moon hung low like a cosmic lollipop, you might just hear the melodic gurgling of a Candycorn, singing a sweet serenade to the absurd beauty of existence.

In the end, as Camus might say, one must imagine Kick and Flip happy. And in Peculiaria, that wasn't very hard to do at all.