Clear Sky, Clouded Thoughts

Is something wrong sir.

Yes, I often like to stand here and watch the people. I wonder what they think of me. Then I wonder what I truly think of them. Funny I can't find the answer to either one. Getting in their heads is impossible so it's understandable I don't know what they think of me. But I'm in control of my own mind at least most of the time. Yet I still don't know.

Well I'm sure they think fondly of you sir. You do your upmost for them.

Yes, yes, yes, thanks for the pointless flattering . I don't want you to stroke my ego. I wanted input. I mean look at them l, they don't know what I do for them. At least not really. When prices go down I'm praised. When they're increase I'm ridiculed. I mean a 10 - 20% increase and they’re damn near ready to revolt. Regardless of good I've done it only takes a couple bad things for them to completely turn. Makes sense most of them live a busy life. No time to think of the broader things. Why it seems as if they have more money lately, why things have been moving more smoothly in their life. They just think it's been a good couple of years. The most they hear from me is from their news networks and they hardly explain anything properly. If they explain it at all. Half of the news is meant to kiss my ass. The other is meant to try and cut my head.

Has the job gotten too stressful sir, perhaps a break would do some good.

No it's not that I just need to think things through. It's unfair is what I'm getting at. Leader of a country in any form. President, Emperor, Councilman, Congress. The benefits are just as great, but unfair still. At least when your someone who tries. But I can't deny I often make bad decisions. I make them purposely knowing they are bad decisions. The people don't know what you need to go through to keep them satiated. Invasion of country, international turmoil or pressure that needs to be aided or ignored. All to keep the peace. The peace here of course I could care less of others. Sometimes I think dictators have it right. But I can't shake the uneasiness of dead smiles. Could I explain why I started that war. Could I explain why I'm allowing it. When it all gotten so complicated that even I am starting to forget the reason.

Then people question my morals. I stopped making decisions on my morals a long time ago. Morals don't feed people, protect people. Everyone and again I get to make the moral decision, but because it's a savvy move. Not because of some stupid moral compass. I came into the game too late there are too many systems already in play. I feel as though my decisions are premade before I even get a chance to think.

If I could suggest something sir, you are the one in power now. Why not simply break the system.

Breaking the system would take a lot longer than I will be here. Even if I make a couple cracks in the road. The one after me, will find it easier to simply fill the cracks in than pave a new road. I would have to become something we vowed not to have. At least temporarily. Then I'd have to trust myself that I'm able to give it up when the time comes. But still that's more likely than someone similar to me coming in and continuing my work. Sigh, maybe it's better being a puppet, at least I know the decisions aren't mine. It's like customer service worker, it's easy to deny someone in need when you know the decision isn't yours. But the CEO of said company wouldn't be able to say no as easily if they were in that position.

How did they do it in the past. It was so much easier then. Less people, less money, less things to care about. You could generalize more things and more people. But now there's too many of everything, to many different ingredients to try and throw them all in the same pot. It'll just end up tasting like shit.

If I could interject here Sir. You say things were much easier. Do you mean easirer to manipulate. There was indeed less of everything and less education as well. The people could get manipulated into believing almost anything. Now there’s more information avenues, more education, more individuality. The people now need clear reasons for actions, unlike those of the past. Such reasons such as, they hate us because we’re free would not work anymore.

There’s never a clear reason in this world. To try and give it a generalized reason will make it sound worse than what it is. Simple answers always sound heartless and while they are the core of the reason ball. The outer layer of the ball is the reasons that will be tangible for the everyday person. But explaining those reasons are more difficult. To say we are invading another nation, because it will decrease the price of certain products, bring in jobs, bring in money, and ease a mountain of other things. Would need further explanation, which would lead to the simple answer. At the same time beginning with the simple answer and expanding it to the outer layer would need more explanation inbetween. Which is why we need the trust of our people. But those before me been lying for too long and peeling back all those lies will make the government look worse and lose more trust. I have to keep the secrets for the good of the nation. Once their trust completely collapse, what would we be? I don’t know the answer and don’t want to know the answer.

There’s a distrust that’s been created between the government and people. Clearing the air to ease that distrust, would cause more distrust. So, you choose to keep the secret. Keeping the secrets, doesn’t allow you to give clear reasons, and so you must manipulate the people causing more distrust. You seem to be in quite the paradox sir. When did it all start you think?

Probably once we gained real power. Once you are the top of the food chain, you reasons become unnecessary. But you must have them for the people to follow you. Nietzsche said morality is for the weak. The strong has no reason for it. We simply started imposing our will onto others. Gained control and now that we are weakening a bit, we are adverse to releasing even a fraction of the control that we have. Spreading ourself too thin. Our country is Young, by the world standards. Maybe we feel we cannot make a comeback from a defeat. Or don’t want to find out if we can.

So what will you do Sir?

I have a meeting at 3, a press conference at 6, and briefing at 9pm. I quick nightly workout, shower, and sleep. Wake up in the morning, I’ll still feel the same as now, and I’ll carry on. Because I’ve already gotten the job that’s all I can do. Maybe I can make a few minor changes that they will keep, but if not I’ve already given up. It won’t matter much to me.