You Said I Was Human (Eleanor’s Love Story) Pt. 1

Another successful session with my therapist. I feel as though I’m finally getting through to her. She didn’t like it when I decided to reduce our sessions to just once a week instead of the usually 2 – 3 times. It’s just that I feel that therapy is unneeded. My parents forced me, they would constantly call and text begging me to talk to someone. I finally did. I went and spoke about my relationship, to my surprise the therapist agreed with my parents. Is it so bad that I fell in love with a robot. I mean what did we create AI for any way if not to be another version of us. Why did we make it look like us, if we didn’t want humans and robots to interact with one another. I’m not the only one either, there have been thousands now that has engaged in a relationship with these humanoid robots. They have everything. The voice, the hair, the looks, the anatomy. Everything that’s needed in a real, live human female. The therapist agrees, yes they have everything, except the feelings. Except the emotions. She always have to bring up feelings and emotions.

If they saw, what I see everyday there’s no way you could leave with the same opinion. Even today when I walked in. She was sitting on the couch, sun peeking through the windows, the way it illuminated her brunette hair. Which cost extra, the blonde version is the standard. You can get her even cheaper if you choose the bald version. I bought multiple wigs thinking of getting it to save money, but I really wanted her to have her own hair. I know it’s important to a girl. Her excited gaze, as she looked at me with those beautiful emerald eyes, that added about $1,000 to the price. Her soft smile, it all brings a sense of calmness to me. How can you say it’s not real. Yes, but she’s has no emotion, she is just mimicking, blah, blah, blah. Yes, I know what a psychopath is and if you are calling her that, she’s more human than even I thought. She was programmed to feel emotion, so she’s even more human than a psychopath.

If she sat next to you, would you know she wasn’t human unless told. If the answer is no, then who cares, love and let love. Her hands are soft in mine, her response is slightly delayed I won’t lie, but she’s just an air head. Ellen is her name or well the name of the product. I don’t believe her to just be a mass produced, item for sell. I named her Eleanor, where I got my motivation for the name who knows. I’m a descendent from Shakespeare I’m told.

Why? I’m often asked that, by everyone. Why choose a robot as a partner. You can’t really grow old with them, they will always look the same. I’ve tried with human women, it never worked out. It’s not that I’m so ugly I’ve never had a chanced. Nor that I’m an incel. I’ve had opportunities and had relationships where I thought it was something true. Then I realized the mistake of thinking we know another’s emotions. I may think we are friends, or that a girl as deeper feelings, same as me. Just to realize what she showed on the surface was all there was. I may just be coward. My heart has gotten broken so many times that I’ve given up. If I was incel or just unfortunate looking, I could still hope for something still. I could have hope for a future. Loving Eleanor is just easier.

I know there’s nothing deeper than what she is showing. There is no need to think so deep. Does she truly like me, am I behaving properly as her partner. Is she happy? When she leaves, is there someone better than me that has come across. I’ve become so insecure it’s pathetic. Eleanor shows me affection when I need effection, she cannot hate me, she cannot leave me. I don’t worry if I treat her right, I don’t care if she understands me. At the end even though I pretend as if I treat her like a human woman. I treat her like a object more than anyone else. She’s a metal crunch at the end of the day, one I lay my head on when it gets too tough. And she stroke’s my head lovingly and I don’t think about why she chose to do it. As long as she moves like a human, talks like a human, and looks like a human, I’ll continue to look at her as such. But she’s already irreplaceable to me.

Sometimes even I mistake it for love, but this isn’t about love, it’s about selfishness, comfort, monopolizing, anxiety, ease, or is it just an escape from lonliness. Well I guess when you wrap it all up, maybe it is about love.

Things started to change however. Maybe it’s because I gave up, talking to women became easy. I frequent a coffee shop, it’s on my walk home. It’s a good area to people watch and sometimes I’ll sit and read a book or watch a video to unwind before finishing my walk home. There’s a woman that works there we have spoken at length a couple times. The time I pass by, it usually isn’t busy, so we are able to chat at leisure. I never thought anything of it. Our hobbies are similar. We are both wrestling fans, readers of the Alex Cross series, and enjoy a little Irish coffee after a long day. Of course I bring my own whiskey. One day on my way home. It was beautiful fall day, leaves falling, sun shining, I sat out on the patio to enjoy my coffeee. Sarah, the barista working was on break as well. She sat with me. I didn’t see her at the register today and didn’t get to have a chat. She felt the same and sat with me, talking for her entire break. I mention the festival coming up that I was planning on going too. She mentioned that she was also interested, but had no one to go with. She asked if I was going if we could meet up and stroll through together. I didn’t see why not and agreed. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet there the following weekend.

When I arrived home I seen Eleanor sitting in the same spot. Watching the leaves falling into the window. I asked her what she thought of the Leaves. “Leaves?” she responded questionly. Then she turned to look again and said “yes the leaves they are beautiful aren’t they.” I thought she said that blankly. I never paid attention to her facial expressions before, but something seemed different. I spoke to her about watching the leaves on my walk home. I stopped by the coffee shop. Eleanor asked if my barista friend was there today? She was we sat and spoke during her break and agreed to go to the fall festival together. “Like a date” Eleanor questioned. I didn’t think of it as a date. But I guess it is something similar. The next thing Eleanor said shocked me a bit. “I’m made as a humanoid companion, but we’ve never been on a date have we.” “ I didn’t know you thought that way Eleanor.” “In my programming it shows that companions often go out for activities.” Eleanor explained. I’m sorry I already promised Sarah, I’ll take you out with me and another outing. Eleanor didn’t say much else after that. It was a weird encounter. It was the first time I felt, I didn’t know what Eleanor was thinking.

The day of the festival came, I said bye to Eleanor as I walked towards the door. She said bye, but sat I,n her spot staring out the window. She didn’t turn around to see me off like usual. I got to the festival before Sarah. I waited near the entrance when I saw her come from the pool of cars. She was wearing a Tan scarf, black leather jacket that looked as if it came to her knees, black pants, and tan boots. I told her she looked amazing. It’s not often that you get to see someone out of uniform. It was a fun outing overall. There were so many activities in the festival, it was nice to have someone to share it with. The pumpkin carving, drinking apple cider, the bundles of leaes the kids were jumping in. Next thing I know hours went by and it started getting dark outside. I walked with Sarah to her car and told her how much fun I had. I thank her for coming and asked we could do it again. Sarah said of course we can, we can go out as many times as I want. I hugged her goodbye then as I went to let go, Sarah suddenly kissed me. I was taken aback. Sarah saw the shock in my face and apologized. She said she assumed I was single. I am. I said it with visible hesitation. Which prompted Sarah to say, “it must be complicated”, I’m sorry if I made things weird. I told her no, I didn’t hate it and I would still like to spend time with her again. We hugged again and as I looked up from the hug, I shouted out. Sarah asked what was wrong, nothing I said. I swear I just saw Eleanor in trees, over there. But when I looked again there was nothing. Sarah pulled off and I got in my car. I drove back home and when I got there, Eleanor wasn’t sitting in her usual spot. As I took off my jacket and hung it up. I turned on the light to walk up the stairs. There was Eleanor, standing at the top of the stairs. I jumped out my skin, but Eleanor just stood there and greeted me. “Welcome back, how was your date.” “It was fine, I had a lot of fun at the festival with Sarah.” “I’m glad”, eleanor said. Was there anything particularly special that happened at the festival. I thought back to the kiss. But shook it out of my head. No, nothing major happened. It was just a fun festival. “Well I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Shall we make our way to bed.” As I layed down with Eleanor behind me, she said, “I’m just a robot companion, I could never be your true partner. If there’s every anyone else, you can send me back.” I told Eleanor even if everyone else thinks of her as just a mindless robot. To me she as human as anyone else and there will never be anyone else.” She thanked me for my words. Then I went off to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, food was ready on the table and Eleanor was sitting in her usual spot looking out the window. I ate breakfast and told Elearnor I’m off to work. This time she turned and said to have a nice day and good bye. But today she said a litte extra as well. “Henry I was going through the finances and it looks like it would be good to cut back for just a little while. I know you enjoy your coffee and learned the recipes online to try. If you wouldn’t mind coming straight home instead of stopping by your usual shop today.” Sure, maybe I am spending a little too much considering the festival. I’ll hold back for a little while. I’ll be straight home so please let me try your coffee.” Then Eleanor smiled and turned back around.

Perhaps I should have paid a little more attention to Eleanor’s weirdness the other day. I could’ve avoided such a disaster.