Patchwork

To the Aunt taught me strength. Courage to make a life when her heart’s desire for children was cut out from under her. An early X-ray technician, she was one of those who were the reason we wear lead protective gear during an exam. She lost her ability to conceive because of her job. And as a career woman in a male field, she gave me the blueprint to survive.

My mother gave me love, but also the difference between conditional and unconditional love. She set conditions; I got the guilt when I was never quite good enough and vowed never to place those demands on anyone who mattered to me.

My father, who proved to me anyone can have a weak moment and need to be forgiven. He was my cheerleader and established my self esteem but let me down at a crucial moment. Only now, years after his death, do I understand he wasn’t to blame.

My chosen sisters, who support me and reinforced my faith in humanity and the ability for people to care for each other. To my three amigas, thank you for still being here. Michelle, I honor you for your brilliant life. For facing death with grace and dignity. And for visiting in my dreams whenever I need to hear you say, “Listen to your inner voice. But not when it lies.” I miss you, and I’m sorry you had to go on ahead.

My husband, who showed me how love works to fill the gaps in courage and shore up strength. He also provided me with the challenge of caring for the severely depressed and surviving the carnage when it kills love. He taught me laughter is as necessary as breathing, and I find things to chuckle about no matter how badly my day is going. I miss the man I married, and I thank the monster he became for teaching me I can face anything.

Each person I have known along my journey so far, has given me pieces to place in the quilt that is me. From a tiny fragment from a compliment from a stranger, to the framework holding everything together, everyone of them is part of the patchwork that is me.