Dear v. 2
Dear diary,
as if you haven’t heard that one before,
I come to you in times of
confusion,
worry,
anxiety;
because I’m weak.
I’m weak for a man,
but as needy and loving as I am
every time I try to tell him
how lovely he is
and every time he tells me back,
I feel scared.
I get nervous.
I’m reminded of my past
or of men who wanted to make advances,
and for a woman with such a high desire
I’m afraid of one too many kisses
and it hurts me.
Hurts me more than anyone else.
I came from wanting everything
to being afraid to want at all,
and I shiver and shake
when I think of what I could have,
and I can’t quite place myself anymore
in any image in my mind,
but he doesn’t know
how my body asks to hide
behind fragile words,
and that every time I back out of a decision
I feel my skin burning.
Why do I always feel too vulnerable
when I trust him?
Unless maybe
I don’t know if I trust myself
to be okay.