Well Sue Me (My Rags to Riches Lawsuit Story)

Let me tell you the story of how I quit my job and obtained financial freedom. It was through a lawsuit. I’m not an idea guy, but I am an opportunist and I like to think I can find the opportunity in any situation. Now I tried my luck before when it comes to trying to sue a company. I mean they take advantage of me with their marketing, price gouging, and gas prices. Why not try and get some get back everyone once in a while. I tried to classic tripping on ice, but damn camera’s every where saw me spilling the water on the ground. They dismissed my case, I wasted money on a good wheel chair and neck brace. When the judge ruled in their favor I saw no reason to keep up the façade. I got up right there out the wheel chair and walked out the court room. My acting must be phenomenal because even my lawyer was surprised by my sudden uprising. To make matters worse, the store forgot to clean up the water I spilled and an older woman slipped on it. Suing the company and winning a million dollar lawsuit. Some people have all the luck, sure she broke her hip, but now she’s gonna be the queen a bingo with a new hip and probably a sugar baby on her side. I don’t know what to do anymore, maybe scams just aren’t my thing. I even got desperate and jumped in front of a semi one time. If I didn’t die God willing, I think I would’ve made out good. Maybe could afford that island in the Caribbean I’ve been eyeing. The truck swerved out of my way and he ended up crashing into a couple trees in the forest. Unfortunately, no one in the incident was hurt too bad. I got out of their in a hurry, but I heard later that the driver attempted to break and the they didn’t work. The heroic truck driver managed to swerve out of the way saving the clueless pedestrian that wandered onto the highway. He sued the company for the faulty brakes, saying they were negligent in their inspections of the trucks. The guy made it out like a doctor, doesn’t have to work another day in his life. And it was my damn lawyer from the slip and fall case that represented him. I don’t know if I’m good luck or bad luck at this point. Also, clueless pedestrian, no one just wanders out on the highway. “Sigh” what am I to do, I see people in Asian countries all the time, people just jumping on cars and suing the driver. Somehow it never works out that way for me, I’ve only been hit by a car one time and the bastard kept driving. All I ended up with was a broken arm and a mountain of hospital bills. Luckily, they were taken care of because I work in the hospital that treated me.

That’s right I’m not just a conman, I am a law abiding citizen and someone that contributes to my community by giving them drugs. I work in a pharmacy at the hospital, I deliver the medications to the floors. We have tube stations that you can put the pills in a bottle and send them up to the floor. I don’t like using them because it reminds me of the drive through lane at the bank. And last time I was there to withdraw money, they had the nerve to tell me I’m over drafted by -$1300. Why would they even allow a $1300 transaction go through with my credit, I feel as if they are at more fault than me. But anyway, that’s why I keep it old school I go and deliver the medications myself. Floor to floor, elevator to elevator and all the walking gets to a person. I have to take a seat and rest every now and again, just for my bodily health. Can’t have my legs giving out on the job. It was a normal day, I just finished filling up a couple meds in the machine on the floor and was in the elevator making my way back down to the pharmacy. It was supposed to be a quick 5 minute trip, but I don’t think anyone will complain that it took me 20 minutes. My arm starting acting up again from that accident had to get something to calm it down. Yeah, that excuse usually works, even though I’ve been fully recovered for a year now. I hit basement floor and the elevator doors open, everything that happened next played through my eyes as if I was watching a film.

I began my walk down the hallway towards the pharmacy when I noticed a man standing next to a Zamboni. He must’ve been cleaning the hallways, but why was he just standing there and what is he staring at on the ground? I don’t know and it’s not my problem, I’m looking at a couple memes some friends sent me on my phone and looked up again as I got closer to him. He noticed and also looked at me, I gave him a scrunched up face to let him know. What the fuck are you doing? Without actually saying. As I walked by him, I slipped on a puddle of water. I personally hate how comedic my fall was. Legs flailing in the air, phone flew out of my hands, I want to say even my shoe fell off. What did I fall on, a puddle of water or a 1990s cartoon banana peel. I was so distraught I almost made a mistake. The man tried to help me up saying sorry. Sorry? You saw me walking down the hallway and you just stared at me, couldn’t you have said something, anything. You allowed me to slip fall, at that point it was premeditated. He wanted to help me up and I started to stand, when I realized. Isn’t this the perfect opportunity, all my dreams, my hopes, my trials and tribulations led up to this point. I’m going to sue the hell out of this hospital. I quickly leaped back on to the ground and held my knee. I was really playing it up, I sounded like Peter from family guy. “Oh my god help, I cant stand up, my knee is in shambles, I think it’s shattered.” I’d like to thank God and my mother, I couldn’t have put on such an outstanding performance without them.

The Zamboni guy called a code over the phone and couple people rushed to me and started a light inspection before carting me to a room. Honestly my knee is fine, just a little bruising, but I yelled out in pain when they touched it. The plan is to take me for some X-rays and have a doctor look me over. While I was waiting in the room by myself, I played a little trick. You see probably from my times of trying to jump on cars for insurance money. My knee has a habit of dislocating, just twist it in the right spot then bam, I’m as helpless as a baby bird. NO one was around this is my opportunity I hopped out of the bed and started moving my leg around in all sort of ways trying to dislocate it. But today my knee is apparently made of steel, the thing won’t budge. Usually if I wake up too quick, it pops out, now all of a sudden, my knees as strong as Meg the stallion. Then I hear a knock at the door, someone is about to come in, it’s now or never. I plant my foot on the ground as hard as I could and spun my body like a ballerina, I heard a loud pop and fell right on the ground screaming in pain. This time it wasn’t acting, the nurse rushed in and asked what happened. “Well, I just wanted to get to the bathroom and I thought I could walk. Oh my god, what can I do, will I ever be able to walk the same again.” Tears in my eyes, from the pain of popping my knee out it’s socket really help play it up. She helped me on my feet and sat me in the bed. Gave me a couple Percocet to ease the pain. Let me tell you, I get it, them Perc’s had me on cloud 9, I see what future is talking about. It made me worry that I might say something that is unneeded.

Somehow, I made it through, how I don’t remember. Next thing I know I was in the X-ray room and they were taking pictures of my knee. They wheeled me back to my room and I sat there for what felt like forever. They could have given me another Percocet to pass the time. The doctor came in and said my knee is dislocated with a minor fracture. A fracture! Man, I must’ve really did a number on it when I hit it with that pirouette. I talked to the doctor for a couple more minutes then sat back and watched TV. Next thing I know a couple suits walk in, wanting to talk to me. I told them I wanted a lawyer, but soon realized this isn’t that type of case. They asked me what happened. And I told them what happened. How this hospital negligence led to me getting hurt on the job. I show up on time every day and buss my ass, I’m here early and stay late. I do a lot for this place and do my upmost for the patient’s. But now I’m hobbled and won’t be able to work for a week and I don’t know when my leg is going to be completely healed. They said the camera was reviewed and it didn’t seem like the fall was too bad. I told them it isn’t how violent the fall is but how you fall. If I was able to brace myself maybe I wouldn’t have been hurt so bad. They also pointed out it look like I fell on my right leg, yet it’s my left that’s hurt. This where I start howling like a wolf, I yell at them, I was pointing fingers, letting spit fly, tears rolling down my face. Where the damn camera, because I’m acting my ass off here. They apologized for the rude comment and said don’t worry they will take care of me. Don’t worry about missing out on any money, they will make sure I have a full check. To which I said, “I don’t know I may need to speak with my attorney.” They told me that they hope it doesn’t come to that. To think about the patient’s and the hospital. “You’ve worked here for years, we promise we will take care of you, bringing in legal will just muck things up and disrupt patient care.” Maybe they are right, but maybe not.

Another perc later, I put in a call to a lawyer that represents people who went through similar tramatic experiences as me. The guy walked in, looking sleazier than me. I like him already, no need for greetings let’s talk money. How much he thinks I could take them for. Unfortunately for these cases your looking at between 50,000 to 100k depending on medical bills, how much time missed from work, but I’m not looking at anything life changing. Well, I’m not selfish I’ll take what I can get, at least they get the punishment they deserve. Hopefully they will train their employees better and purchase more wet floor signs. I don’t want anybody to have to go through, what I’ve been through ever again. “Yeah”, is all he replied with. He must truly be a lawyer I felt like he’s seen through my bullshit, but whatever I get paid he gets paid. He told me to leave it to him and walked out of the room, to take care of business baby. I just sat back in the hospital bed, hands webbed behind my head, and already spending my money. What am I going to invest this in. The answer is myself, I need a car, a gym membership, see how much a house would cost, my mom is good she doesn’t need anything. My girlfriend, well I think she should listen to me a bit more now. Yep, life is gonna be decent for the next year. My lawyer walked in about 15 minutes after we walked out. It seemed a little quick, I asked if he forgot his suit case or something.

He sat down next to me, put his hand on my knee and fucking squeezed it. That hurts you fucker what is wrong with you, I said as I hit his hand away. He got up and told me that they had me on camera twisting my own knee out of place. The lawsuit is done and that I’m lucky they won’t fire me. “Well fuck you, a good lawyer would win this case whether I was really hurt or not. Does it matter if it was a slip and fall or a twist of the knee in a hospital room. I still got hurt on the job technically. He called me a piece of shit and walked out. All I could do was sit in there with my hands on my head. Suddenly I got a call from my girlfriend, she told me she was rushed to my hospital, she spilled some hot coffee on her and got some burns. I flippantly told her, she should sue whoever sold her that coffee, I got the perfect lawyer for her. Anyway, a month later, can you believe this bitch actually did it, she sued McDonald’s for making hot coffee and won a couple million dollar settlement. What the hell is going on in the world. A couple months after that, we are now married and having our honey moon in the Caribbean. But that’s enough for now, my Wife texted me that I’m taking too long to get her drinks and hurry back to rubbing her feet. Still beats the 9 – 5 life.