futile
the turquoise pastel paint,
moves,
as seen on a flat plane
it changes constantly
to the 3 dimensional,
great depth
deep aqua blue,
cream white blue,
green algae shades,
infinite hue
in transformations
moving,
rolling,
swirling,
in this fantastic sea
i can only wish
i see
but cannot touch
i cannot but smell
only in my memory
and imagination,
stuck in 2 D
cruel,
like a wheel chair,
bound,
like a former athlete
this sun glistens,
though i can't see
it
it is too bright
but it brings
its light makes
the view to come alive,
from a picture still,
to what appears real
the movement,
of my own atoms,
become one with it
the colors are immense,
bright,
unreal,
picking me up
from a world of
black and white
here comes the sun
again,
a nova bright,
burst,
in a baby blue sky
i can see,
but cannot touch
. . . even in the travel
of my mental voyage,
my imaginative
wanderings . . .
make me disappointed,
because that brief,
non lasting relief
now seems,
to be as in only,
as in,
moving colors,
in the animated pixel
formed faces
of fellow humans,
in the floral
and fauna environ,
of this world
become virtual aquarium,
of being,
but only on,
this t.v. screen,
i am only,
a comfortable,
mind voyager,
an outside observer . . .
. . . i am down today
i don't know why,
but the brightness of
the colors,
fill my eyes with light
and
i am encouraged,
though but briefly . . .
. . . down today,
no mystery,
because my inner man,
relates to the reason,
. . . innate,
in the subconscious effects
that give me reason,
of accumulated stimuli,
of knowledge,
. . . by real
and vicarious means
the,
bad news
its perennial
feed,
. . . the daily infusions,
of such,
of daily poison words,
emanating from,
bad people
bad sprits,
bad fallen world,
yours and mine
my own flesh grows
ever increasingly,
. . . deteriorating,
aches and pains,
ever increasing,
to an end,
knowledge,
of the end,
final breath,
unconsciousness,
like anesthesia
. . . such weakness,
such futility,
money means nothing
same ol' same ol',
y'know,
i cannot reach
i cannot touch
with my skin
nothing new under the sun,
inventions are fine,
but lose their pizazz,
after a short while,
new
but not new,
under the same sun
the world is immeasurably
huge
infinite places and mystery
but unexplorable
in fullness
ours
but caged,
out of reach
yes,
i feel down,
but
don't
know fully
why
i can take a short,
fast pill,
fill my mind with high
and mighty words
but just
doesn't seem to last
. . . i see . . .
and feel,
upcoming,
increasing calamity, . . .
i would feel better,
if i could throw physical blows at it,
but,
it is futile,
it is undefeatable,
i am mere,
carbon based,
flesh and blood
a trillion things
could take me out
the author of calamity
knows no rules
but lawlessness,
knows no bounds,
no restraints,
no mercy
O Lord God take him out,
get me a ticket outta here,
get me out of my misery
is there a doctor in the house?