futile

the turquoise pastel paint,

moves,

as seen on a flat plane

it changes constantly

to the 3 dimensional,

great depth

deep aqua blue,

cream white blue,

green algae shades,

infinite hue

in transformations

moving,

rolling,

swirling,

in this fantastic sea

i can only wish

i see

but cannot touch

i cannot but smell

only in my memory

and imagination,

stuck in 2 D

cruel,

like a wheel chair,

bound,

like a former athlete

this sun glistens,

though i can't see

it

it is too bright

but it brings

its light makes

the view to come alive,

from a picture still,

to what appears real

the movement,

of my own atoms,

become one with it

the colors are immense,

bright,

unreal,

picking me up

from a world of

black and white

here comes the sun

again,

a nova bright,

burst,

in a baby blue sky

i can see,

but cannot touch

. . . even in the travel

of my mental voyage,

my imaginative

wanderings . . .

make me disappointed,

because that brief,

non lasting relief

now seems,

to be as in only,

as in,

moving colors,

in the animated pixel

formed faces

of fellow humans,

in the floral

and fauna environ,

of this world

become virtual aquarium,

of being,

but only on,

this t.v. screen,

i am only,

a comfortable,

mind voyager,

an outside observer . . .

. . . i am down today

i don't know why,

but the brightness of

the colors,

fill my eyes with light

and

i am encouraged,

though but briefly . . .

. . . down today,

no mystery,

because my inner man,

relates to the reason,

. . . innate,

in the subconscious effects

that give me reason,

of accumulated stimuli,

of knowledge,

. . . by real

and vicarious means

the,

bad news

its perennial

feed,

. . . the daily infusions,

of such,

of daily poison words,

emanating from,

bad people

bad sprits,

bad fallen world,

yours and mine

my own flesh grows

ever increasingly,

. . . deteriorating,

aches and pains,

ever increasing,

to an end,

knowledge,

of the end,

final breath,

unconsciousness,

like anesthesia

. . . such weakness,

such futility,

money means nothing

same ol' same ol',

y'know,

i cannot reach

i cannot touch

with my skin

nothing new under the sun,

inventions are fine,

but lose their pizazz,

after a short while,

new

but not new,

under the same sun

the world is immeasurably

huge

infinite places and mystery

but unexplorable

in fullness

ours

but caged,

out of reach

yes,

i feel down,

but

don't

know fully

why

i can take a short,

fast pill,

fill my mind with high

and mighty words

but just

doesn't seem to last

. . . i see . . .

and feel,

upcoming,

increasing calamity, . . .

i would feel better,

if i could throw physical blows at it,

but,

it is futile,

it is undefeatable,

i am mere,

carbon based,

flesh and blood

a trillion things

could take me out

the author of calamity

knows no rules

but lawlessness,

knows no bounds,

no restraints,

no mercy

O Lord God take him out,

get me a ticket outta here,

get me out of my misery

is there a doctor in the house?