The game we used to play as kids..

I’m scared of dying.

As in the act.

I’m not scared of the concept of dying, or all those unanswerable philosophical questions that the topic is so heavily littered with.

I’m scared of the physical act.

Im scared of how it will feel.

As kids we used to play this game where we would sit on a chair and bend over with our heads between of knees and then breathe really fast until we would pass out.

Sometimes I remember that moment before it all goes briefly black, where you feel control start to slip away and you know you’re at your bodies mercy.

I never liked that feeling. I actually hated it. I rarely joined in when everyone would play that game, even as a young kid I knew I hated loosing control.

I guess that’s partly why I’m scared of dying. Those clawing final moments come in the ultimate form of loosing control.

But then, is it death I’m afraid of? Or is it being strip of my position in the drivers seat?