I’ve been thinking

You know the feeling when you start thinking and just can't stop again

You fall into a tunnel that has no end because it had no start

You've always been here and there's no escape

It's just life and there's no choice but to keep living or die

No alternate option or restart button if you don't like the hand you drew

No option to stop thinking once you've started

You can train for years but your mind will never be empty, just shift in focus

I'm not scared to die but I'm scared that I'll never live again

This life will be the only one I ever have and what if I'm not doing enough with it

Then what if I just don't have as much potential as some other lives and I'm in a tunnel just thinking and thinking while other people are running free in vivid picture brains with infinite possibilities and my whole life is just one string of words until I remember their life is the only one they have too

I guess I'm mostly sad that this existence is the only one I'll ever get to know

I'll never get to grow up any other way than how I did

and I'll never look in the mirror and see any other face but mine

And the tunnel doesn't start and doesn't end

It's so full of everything I've experienced in my life but it never meets with any other tunnel

There will never be anything here seen by any eyes but mine and all the memories are colored by the same lens and all the wants are ones I determined for myself long ago and now they're so built in I can't just stop living the way I always have

I can stand still or walk or run but I can never leave

Even if I leave I won't be able to go anywhere else, see anyone else's existence, I'm just gone and that's it and my lonely tunnel will still be there, not that anyone would know because they can't see it, they're trapped in themselves too

Now I'm in bed and the world's moving around me and I'm up and moving too but I'm still stuck here

I want to leave and know something else but this is all I'll ever know

These stone walls of memories, these flashes of desires, always the empty spaces where there should be doors leading to other tunnels

Let us know each other

Please

Nothing.

I guess I have nothing to do but keep going with this life that's mine

Keep trying to find my way into other people's realities, keep knowing I'll never really make it, just like they can't see mine

Please come in, I want you to know me

Let our lives intersect

Twine as close as they can

They'll never touch and never trade lenses but they can tint each other with the other’s color