Green Part 2

I am surrounded by mountains

but I am unable to peel myself

off this green couch

to clime one and scream

at the top of my lungs

"I made it, I made it, I made it,"

I climbed to get here,

to this couch.

I climbed and walked and I ran

and I crawled.

I have forgiven and grown flowers in the dirt

that the deserving and entitled,

drug on my heart with filthy shoes.

I have moved mountains,

for you

and for us

and for anybody who has shown me

the slightest bit of kindness

on the days I was hot and thirsty

and my cup had run empty.

Oh, how I've laughed,

getting to this green couch;

although I can't remember how it felt,

I remember the sound

and how it felt to fall to the ground

in a way that did not feel

as though the sky was my ceiling

and the walls were caving in.

The mountains make me feel small,

yet today,

I am the elephant in the room.

I am the mountain, the hurdle,

the one in the way.

I am the weight on his shoulders,

he begs to put down so he may continue on.

I feel the heaviness in me,

the too boldness in me,

I feel the strain carrying me costs;

I have felt it in everyone,

my whole life.

I am too much. I feel too much.

I ask for too much

for who I am and what I have to offer.

Who do I think I am?

I shed and bled and lived and lost

so many versions of me,

to get to this green couch.

I prayed for green and here I am,

paralyzed and paranoid,

the sky is my ceiling

and I'll be on the ground soon.

The mountain is crumbling,

victory is his.

Victory belongs to everyone

who has grown tired of my great faith

that everything always works out for me.

Maybe they were right.

Maybe it doesn't.

The mountain is crumbling

and all of my flowers are dying

and all I can do is lay here

on this green couch and watch.

This is my bed.

I made it, I made it,

I made it.