s e l f i s h

i am a woman of no religion, but i can remember begging and pleading that if there was a god, or a higher being, for it to kill me in my sleep.

i remember writing a suicide when i was eight...even back then, i already knew i was not fit for living.

maybe my bad genetics is at fault for why i'm like this, or maybe it was my bad luck that played a part, but i think i'm just making up excuses, denying who the real culprit is...myself.

i tried to get better, i really did try, but without fail, i always find myself back, my brain submerged into thoughts of self-loathing, guilt, and abhorrence.

this is my last selfish act.

i'm sorry.