That girl

I always wanted to be the girl who's smile lit up rooms, lit up lives.

The girl who awoke to sunshine even on days when the rain pours and lightning strikes.

A girl with the perfect body and flawless skin, devoid of scars and blemishes, unmarked by pain and history.

A girl unabashed in the way she loved, laughed and lived.

The kind of girl who still looks good in sweatpants with unwashed hair.

The girl who does not know the struggle of waking up to hate her very reflection.

A girl so loved she never has to question whether she has a place deemed important in the world.

A girl who never questions if every breath she takes should be her last.

That girl, is a fantasy. A dream. An unrealistic expectation.

That girl does not exist. And I'm okay with that, because even though I am all the things that girl isn't, I am still alive. One thing that girl will never be .