Wolf Cries Love

“I was the boy who cried wolf when I said that I loved you” 

When I met him I took his breath away. His heart beat faster whenever he held me. For so long he didn't think I did anything wrong. Once we reached our comfort he wanted to spend time with me all the time. I was confused. Who is this man who loved me so; what do I do with this? But he kept at it. Kept loving and swooning.  So when we separated I was really confused. How do I let go of this gem? This man who took his time loving me? 

It felt like I ripped my heart out and left it behind. I kept looking back searching for it. Eventually though, I worked through most of the heartbreak but I couldn’t imagine something like this happening again. It seemed like a rare phenomena. Then I ran into a song from a long time back. I had a summer romance with this very nice guy. For some reason while we were talking he told me he still had feelings for his ex. So I x-ed the situation. A couple of months later he wrote a song. When I listened to it then it was of no consequence. But to this day the line that got me was the hook, “I was the boy who cried wolf when I said that I loved you.” Love? What does he know of me to love me? Because he said those words I dismissed it, a hyperbole to make the song, truly. Love is more complicated, love takes time to flourish. No? 

But today 5 years later I listened to it. I listened to it and for the first time I heard him. I had this before too, but I was so insecure I could never see that possibility as reality. How can someone fall in love with me? I haven’t jumped through any hurdles. Aren’t there extra steps  that should happen, isn’t love complex? How can someone have such pure sweet thoughts?  After all I was not the pretty girl. So I walked away from him without looking back. Not because I didn’t want him. I just didn’t believe him. So his words were right on the nose, to me any man who tells me he loves me is the boy who cried wolf. 

Today I see it. I see my insecurities.