Fluffy meets his match

My college roommate “Big” Al Duncan kept a large python, “Fluffy,” in a home-made wood cage with a window-sized plexiglass pane on one end. As 22-year old bros are wont to do, he ritualized the feeding of his reptile. He would arrive home fresh from the pet store with some mice, do a few bonghits, put on Metallica’s "Creeping Death" at an un-neighborly volume, and drop the mice in. He nearly squealed with delight every time the snake wrapped one up and swallowed it whole.

It became a source of great pride for Big Al, and he began bringing home larger and larger prey for his pet. In a matter of weeks, “Fluffy” progressed from mice to voles, gophers, and then to rabbits. Then, one day, Big Al burst into the apartment with a live chicken and a maniacal grin. We, his roommates, were incredulous. We tried to reason with him.

“That bird is too big, man. There’s no way Fluffy can take that thing.”

Big Al was undeterred. We might as well have been telling him his dick was too small. Our objections dismissed, and with the now all-too-familiar strains of "Creeping Death" and clouds of pot smoke creating the atmosphere, he put the chicken in the cage.

Fluffy struck once, then again, to no avail. The chicken started pecking Fluffy and bloody marks began to appear on the snake’s body and head. Big Al was distraught. Finally, after a few agonizing minutes, he decided to remove the chicken from the cage and wring its neck.

Holding the fowl by the head, Big Al swung it hard in a circular motion, once around – kkkrikk! – the wings flapped wildly. Twice around – the legs pumped as its life drained out.  On the third and final pass, the bird banged against the plexiglass window of the snake’s cage which split the plexiglass and created a sharp, protruding edge. With the chicken still in motion, the plexiglass edge sliced it clean open. As Big Al completed the final rotation, chicken blood and innards sprayed in an arc all over the apartment.

“Arrrrrhhh!”

The roommates and I gave a collective yawp of horror and disgust. I will never forget the expression on Al’s blood-spattered face, wide-eyed with remorseless dismay, as I ran from the room. I moved out shortly after.