my child self

i ripped memories out of the throat of childhood.

to make my poetry better and to further tell myself that i'm okay.

and in another world, my child self would feel whole.

my child self would never have revelation that made them feel guilty.

my child self would look at who i am now and not understand,

how i now look down on my so called guardians,

how i've become addicted to more than one thing,

the word addict runs through my blood. 

i have become alcohol dripping with bars and smoke. 

i have become teenage adolescence in one frame. 

      failed tests

      overdose scares 

      jail

      the smell of cigarettes 

      loud music 

my child self would look down upon me now,

because i'm fuming with anger thats misplaced. 

my old self would be confused, 

as to why i would want to throw everything out the door,

for something as simple as a high.